Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Another new month!

Last month was our first month "not trying" after my miscarriage in June.  My period came and went... ugh!  I am trying to be patient and am not in a rush to get pregnant.  However, I just dreamed of it being easier this time.  I am not surprised it didn't happen last month... too much stress!  The only happiness I am finding right now is the time that I am surrounded by my littles.  I started back at work after having the summer off and it has been an impossible transition for me.  I am feeling incredibly spread thin.  It is a horrible feeling.  I feel like there is not enough of me right now to be good at ANYTHING!  I feel like I am not being as good of a mom as I could be... as good of a wife as I could be and even as good of a speech therapist as I could be.  It is incredible frustrating.  I know deep in my heart that I need to leave my job.  I need more time at home with the kids and I need to take better care of myself.  I am just at a loss of what to go and what changes I need to make in order to be happier.  I know something needs to change, but at this point I am just super scared.  My hubby is completely supportive of me quitting my job, but I don't know what to do or where to go from there.  Do I get another job? Part time... full time??  What if I don't like that job either?  Do I take the kids out of daycare and just stay home with them?  We just bought a lot a couple months ago with plans to build in the spring... if I quit my job we can't do that.  Is quitting my job worth letting those plans and dreams go?  I know that happiness has a price and I might have to give things up in the short term to get more in the long term.... I finally sought out a therapist today and will hopefully begin to see some clarity.  My hubby will be going with next week so hopefully things start to look clearer!

When I was home for the summer, I started researching some of the simple things that we could do to improve our chances of conceiving naturally.  One of the things I came across in my research was all about toxins in our food and skincare/household care items.  Some of the toxins and chemicals in the things I was using every day are actually known to cause fertility issues... especially in men!  I came across the most amazing new online brand called Mōdere.  All of their products are non-toxic and harmful chemical free.  I have tried a ton of stuff and am totally in LOVE with it!  One of the products we changed to is their toothpaste.  My hubby has ALWAYS been a Colgate Total user.  When the information that triclosan is an ingredient in Colgate and that it causes issues with fertility (when men are exposed to it, it causes issues with sperm count, motility, maturity, etc)... I freaked!  We changed immediately!  The Mōdere toothpaste is amazing and best of all I know all of the ingredients are safe!  I am doing what I can to control the things that I can in order to hopefully make conceiving this time around much easier!  If that means changing some of the products I use to more safe, non-toxic products that I order online and show up on my doorstep (it feels a bit like Christmas)... then I am in!

Here is the link to the toothpaste...
http://www.modere.com/ProductDetail/toothpaste/?referralCode=lifestyle&smtId=20367

Here is to another month... hopefully one with lots of changes!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

I'm BACK!!!!

After many months... okay years... I FINALLY have the time and energy to give an update!!  The past 2 years have been CRAZY... to say the least.  I will give a fast a furious update and will elaborate in the days to come :)  That WILL happen!

I quit blogging because I was incredibly sick (that is an understatement) with my twin pregnancy.  The pregnancy was incredible.  I loved every minute of it despite literally throwing up everything I ate.  I seriously wish I would have kept blogging throughout my pregnancy just to document the ridiculousness.  It got to a point where I had to bring an extra change of underwear and pants because I would throw up so much I would pee through them!!  For some reason I miss all that!

Since my last post...  We found out we were having two boys... and then a boy and a girl... and then two girls... and finally confirmed Baby A was a boy and Baby B was a girl!  It is crazy how many body parts are inside one stomach and the chaos that creates when doing ultrasounds.  One of each... AMAZING!  We were so excited.  At our anatomy scan everyone was perfectly healthy and again total relief.  At that appointment we did find out that our baby boy was going to be born with a club foot.  I panicked.  They assured us he would be perfect and it would be easily correctable.  Spoiler alert... he is 21 months and PERFECT!  Treatment was way easier than I ever anticipated and you would never know!  Baby girl was always smaller, but everyone did amazing.

At about 30 weeks, my body started struggling and my blood pressure started creeping up.  I ended up on hospital bed rest at 32 weeks.  They kept me for two days and sent me home on bed rest.  My mom organized my whole house and did all the last minute preparations for babies to come home.  I went to Christmases via FaceTime and celebrated my 31st birthday on my couch.  It was all worth it!

At 35wks3days on January 6, 2013, Jake Michael and Brynn Elise were born.  I am not going to give a lot of details in this post, but will post my birth story another day.  Jake was 6 lbs and Brynn weighed only 3 lbs 11oz.  Jake was in the NICU for 10 days and Brynn stayed a few more and came home after 2 weeks. We met a great friend in the NICU and learned a lot to help us raise these two babies!

21 months has passed and they are so much fun!!  They are very busy toddlers and keeping us on our toes.  They are my whole world and so worth the wait.

It took us too long  and too much heartbreak to get pregnant with the twins, so we decided we weren't going to prevent anything from happening after the twins celebrated their 1st birthday.   Crazy that after only 4 months, I got a surprise positive pregnancy test (another story for another post).  4 weeks later I found myself experiencing the unbearable pain of losing yet another baby.  I had a D&C on June 23.

My body and mind has now recovered and we are ready to "not try" again.... I am currently in my fertile window... so here we go... wish us luck :)

It feels good to be back!!