Last month was our first month "not trying" after my miscarriage in June. My period came and went... ugh! I am trying to be patient and am not in a rush to get pregnant. However, I just dreamed of it being easier this time. I am not surprised it didn't happen last month... too much stress! The only happiness I am finding right now is the time that I am surrounded by my littles. I started back at work after having the summer off and it has been an impossible transition for me. I am feeling incredibly spread thin. It is a horrible feeling. I feel like there is not enough of me right now to be good at ANYTHING! I feel like I am not being as good of a mom as I could be... as good of a wife as I could be and even as good of a speech therapist as I could be. It is incredible frustrating. I know deep in my heart that I need to leave my job. I need more time at home with the kids and I need to take better care of myself. I am just at a loss of what to go and what changes I need to make in order to be happier. I know something needs to change, but at this point I am just super scared. My hubby is completely supportive of me quitting my job, but I don't know what to do or where to go from there. Do I get another job? Part time... full time?? What if I don't like that job either? Do I take the kids out of daycare and just stay home with them? We just bought a lot a couple months ago with plans to build in the spring... if I quit my job we can't do that. Is quitting my job worth letting those plans and dreams go? I know that happiness has a price and I might have to give things up in the short term to get more in the long term.... I finally sought out a therapist today and will hopefully begin to see some clarity. My hubby will be going with next week so hopefully things start to look clearer!
When I was home for the summer, I started researching some of the simple things that we could do to improve our chances of conceiving naturally. One of the things I came across in my research was all about toxins in our food and skincare/household care items. Some of the toxins and chemicals in the things I was using every day are actually known to cause fertility issues... especially in men! I came across the most amazing new online brand called Mōdere. All of their products are non-toxic and harmful chemical free. I have tried a ton of stuff and am totally in LOVE with it! One of the products we changed to is their toothpaste. My hubby has ALWAYS been a Colgate Total user. When the information that triclosan is an ingredient in Colgate and that it causes issues with fertility (when men are exposed to it, it causes issues with sperm count, motility, maturity, etc)... I freaked! We changed immediately! The Mōdere toothpaste is amazing and best of all I know all of the ingredients are safe! I am doing what I can to control the things that I can in order to hopefully make conceiving this time around much easier! If that means changing some of the products I use to more safe, non-toxic products that I order online and show up on my doorstep (it feels a bit like Christmas)... then I am in!
Here is the link to the toothpaste...
Here is to another month... hopefully one with lots of changes!!!