CD 2... Grrrrr.

Why doesn't it ever change?  That feeling you get on CD 28.  The day AF is supposed to show up, but she hasn't yet... the hope, even though you've already taken 5 HPTs and all are negative.  But maybe, just maybe, they were wrong.  They weren't.  My cycle was 2 days longer than normal this month... talk about false hope.  Of course, took a HPT and AF shows up.  I don't even need to wait for the result... just have to look at the toilet paper.  Ugh.  I am getting to a place that I didn't want to be. 

 The past couple weeks have been difficult.  I should have been welcoming another baby into this family.  I honestly can't imagine it, but it makes me sad.  Instead... I spent that week potty training my two little minions.  They were champs!  Getting them to go potty has been a breeze, but the poop... ugh!  They are crib poopers... always pooping when they are in their cribs so I can't catch them in the act.  I finally caught Jake needing to poop at dinner tonight so we locked ourselves in the bathroom and... SUCCESS!!!  Thank God for them.... they are the light of my world and they keep me from going back to the darkness of loss and grief.  They remind me of how thankful I am to have this time with them... and only them.  I know, in my heart, that we will have another baby... that is my mantra and I will keep telling myself that until I believe it!

Here is my OvaCue readings for the month...

http://www.ovagraph.com/cycles/9158/1008253/chart



My last entry was on CD 11 with my significant low.  We definitely BDed because of the dip in my vaginal readings which would indicate ovulation approaching.  Like I predicted, the pink box was populated due to the increase in readings on CD12 (indicating the switch to progesterone dominance that occurs after ovulation).  However, I saw my reading starting to drop again on CD14 and CD15.  Since they were dropping I continued to consider myself fertile and expected to see the purple box show up... and it did!  The dip on CD 15, followed by the increase in reading on CD16, indicates that ovulation occurred between the reading on CD15/16.  I actually ovulated later than I would've expected, which might explain the two extra days added to my cycle this month.  Once ovulation was confirmed, my readings remain elevated throughout the luteal phase and then start to decrease as AF approaches (indicating the decrease in progesterone).  It looks like a pretty typical cycle... so excited to start the next month!

I still have this feeling that something isn't right.  Am I ovulating?  Are my eggs getting mature enough?  Is my lining ok?  I have been having some severe lower back pain (different than anything I have ever experienced) with my cycles.  Increases around ovulation and right before my period begins.  It is debilitating and it makes me wonder if my endometriosis has gotten out of control or if I have cysts on my ovaries that are causing pain.  Too much to wonder.  E and I decided that it was time to make an appointment with our RE for this month to make sure that everything is in working order and see if we can figure out a way to get relief for my back... whether that is going back to PT or if I need another laparascopy to remove the endometrial tissue. I will be calling first thing tomorrow morning.  It is already CD 3 tomorrow, so if they are going to get me in for bloodwork, this cycle, we need to do it right away. Either way, we are back here.  Right back where I didn't want to be!  I don't want to walk back into that office.  But I will...