Thursday, April 2, 2015

4dpo....

Today someone asked me if I was happy with my decision to stay home with my kids... I can't even begin to explain to someone how I feel about this decision.  Now that I am home with them every day, I realize just how much of their little lives I have already missed!  I wanted to have babies all my life and for 2 years I only spent a couple hours every day with them and spent the time I was with them thinking about all the stuff that needed to be done at work.  I have some very real feelings of regret and anxiety when I think about all of the moments and memories that have passed us by.  I am so excited... ok, hopeful... that it will be different with the next one.  My mom came over while the twins napped today so I could go get our taxes done.  I came home and B, my daughter, was awake.  We chatted a little and then we heard J, my son, coughing/gagging in his crib.  I went in to get him and he threw up on my shoulder and then all over his crib.  My mom graciously took B with her to run errands and grab some dinner so I could clean up, give J a bath and then snuggle a little bit.  I was so relieved that I could really devote some personal time to him.  It is sooooo rare that either of them get any one-on-one time.  We took a bath and snuggled while watching a movie.  It was heaven.  It is in those moments that I feel a huge range of emotions.  Having one little one is so much simpler, but I also feel bad that they don't have anyone to play with!  I absolutely cherish those moments when I can devote 100% of my attention and affection to each one individually.  I feel bad that they always have to share me. 

I stopped taking my OvaCue readings.  Since I am taking the progesterone suppositories, I know that the hormones in my luteal phase are just fine.  Also, these suppositories seem to create the most discharge about 8 hours after inserting them, so I don't feel like they would be accurate anyway.  There is sufficient progesterone at the uterus, so I'm not concerned about that.  Now it is just the wait... and wait... and wait!  I am going to try not to test as long as possible, but who knows... maybe another week... ha!

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