Friday, March 20, 2015

So thankful... So emotional...

Today was a day filled with announcements, ultrasounds (not mine) and pangs of jealousy and sadness.  A fellow twin mom announced her "surprise" pregnancy turned out to be another set of twins, a friend sent her picture of her unexpected and unplanned 11 wk ultrasound and another friend is in labor.  All of the above I am sincerely happy for... Sincerely!  I do wish I could experience that unexpected surprise or that first ultrasound that isn't filled with extreme worry that something is wrong.  I am not jealous of the babies they are having... I have been blessed with two beautiful children!  I am, however, jealous of how easy and carefree the process is for them!  I want the experience of having sex with someone you love and then finding out you are pregnant when you all of a sudden realize it has been awhile since you have had your last period.  Then scheduling your first ultrasound and there is a beautiful fetus with a strong heartbeat!  I just want something to be easy.  Just once.  I thought I had that, but it ended in heartache.  I know this is all my story and when all is said and done, I will tell my story with pride for how strong it has made me.... but right now, all I feel is weak.  I went into the twins' room and held their hands and just looked at them.... They remind me every day why I put myself through this.  It is so worth the wait and I will continue to be strong...  This is our story.

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