... I married my best friend. I can't believe it has been a whole year since we got married in Cancun. It has been a roller coaster of a year, but I wouldn't want to be on this ride with anyone else. He has held my hand through the hardest times in my life and we are stronger because of these experiences. I hope this next year brings many more happy memories, a little less stress and a BFP!!
However, with the celebration of our wedding comes the glaring fact that we have officially been TTC for a year... Ugh!! I'm still using the Ovacue and haven't gotten a purple box yet. Ever since my vaginal reading dip on CD11 followed by the rise on CD12, my readings have stayed elevated. I have also been charting my BBT this month and they also indicate that ovulation occurred on CD12. My BBT has also remained elevated since this sharp increase as well. However, I haven't had EWCM that usually accompanies ovulation so I'm not yet convinced that my readings are going to stay elevated for the rest of the month. But I can't help but wonder... If I am really ovulating around CD12, is it possible that I've been starting to BD a little too late and missing my most fertile days???
On another note... Hubby helped me feel special on our anniversary by sending me flowers to work today. He actually took the time to go to the flower shop and pick out various flowers in our wedding colors. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen! He took me to our favorite restaurant where he got to eat some really good food and I had mashed potatoes... I am absolutely dying to eat something that isn't liquid or mushy. I get my sutures out next Friday, so I should be able to chew easier in a week. Dentist said it will be over a month before I can take a bite of something or eat anything crunchy... Ugh!
Enough random thoughts for now... Took my MotrinPM for the night, so I'm getting sleepy!
The longer you wait for something, the more you'll appreciate it when you get it. Because anything worth having is definitely worth waiting for...
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Got the pink box... But is a purple one in store??
I am using the Ovacue fertility monitor and after taking my vaginal reading tonight, I received the pink box indicating that ovulation was confirmed (due to a decrease in my vaginal reading last night, followed by an increase in the reading tonight). Of course, I'm feeling guilty because we BDed on Friday and then again tonight, which I'm afraid will be too late of I actually already ovulated. Why is it that right after younthink you ovulated, you always feel like you could have done something better and are left criticizing the entire month and what you should have done differently. I'm not convinced that my pink box is actually ovulation. It is only CD12 and I usually ovulate closer to CD15 or 16. I had a couple oral cue peaks, so I'm kind of thinking that will be getting a purple box over the next couple days that would indicate a second chance at pre-ovulation BDing!! I feel like I really should be doing OPKs as well, but I haven't had any success with them in the past. According to them, I've never ovulated!! However, I feel like I am missing a huge piece of the puzzle wothout POAS 2xs every day and trying to decipher the different shades of lines. Maybe it will work this time around!! I have heard, that more women have success with the cheap OPKs that have to be dipped into a urine sample that has been collected in a cup as opposed to actually peed on. I always used the expensive digital ones that were eventually going to break the bank! I think I need to order some more in bulk... Along with some dixie cups so I can get a better handle on this... Definitely can't hurt!!
Well... I've been lying in bed for the past 30 min with my butt propped up to do my part in helping the little swimmers finds their way to where they need to go. I think it is time to go get ready for my Monday. I have been in a lot of pain all weekend because of my mouth, so I'm dreading going to work tomorrow. I'm a speech therapist, so I'm constantly talking which makes my sutures very sore... which makes for a long week. I did buy myself some Motrin PM (I know you aren't supposed to take ibuprofen when PG, but my RE says it is better than being stressed by pain) so I can try and get some sleep tonight. I have been waking up at 4am every morning since my surgery in complete agony and unable to do anything to ease the pain. Tonight has to be better.......
Well... I've been lying in bed for the past 30 min with my butt propped up to do my part in helping the little swimmers finds their way to where they need to go. I think it is time to go get ready for my Monday. I have been in a lot of pain all weekend because of my mouth, so I'm dreading going to work tomorrow. I'm a speech therapist, so I'm constantly talking which makes my sutures very sore... which makes for a long week. I did buy myself some Motrin PM (I know you aren't supposed to take ibuprofen when PG, but my RE says it is better than being stressed by pain) so I can try and get some sleep tonight. I have been waking up at 4am every morning since my surgery in complete agony and unable to do anything to ease the pain. Tonight has to be better.......
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Quick update...
I am feeling guilty tonit, because I have been neglecting my blog over the past couple days. I have been struggling to manage my pain since my oral surgery, so I've been sleeping in late and doing my best to take it easy... My sister and her family are home for the weekend to see their niece on her husband's side that just had a baby... I think I already mentioned the fact that she just turned 17 in an earlier post...ugh. I have found it hard to relax and take it easy and also get over to my parents' house to spend time with the family... Not to mention that meals are pretty hard when they have to be pretty puréed!! I'm getting hungry and crabby watching everyone eat such good food! I got KFC Mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner tonight... Lucky me and never again!! Sounds yummy, but not! I've been trying to sleep a lot, but I wake up throughout the night needing more pain meds. Which is another topic.....
So, this surgery has made it pretty difficult to manage all my fertility testing methods. This morning I woke up at 4 in pretty bad pain, but I was sure to take my BBT and Ovacue oral readings before getting out of bed to get meds and ice for my face!! Talk about dedication!! My vaginal readings on my Ovacue are starting to decline (which indicates the ovulation is approaching)... So we started the fertility window BDing yesterday. We are finally doing something again... What a relief. It is crazy how excited I am to take my vaginal readings every night to see what they say my body is doing. Whatever I can do to pass the time! I also started reading the book "The Conception Chronicles"... It is hilarious! I feel like I am reading an excerpt from my own journey. The things they talk about thinking and doing as they began their own journey and realized that it wasn't going to be easy for them are exactly what I did and thought! I don't know why I find books like this relaxing and comforting... Maybe because it reassures me that there are a lot of women out there who struggle, but eventually succeed and that what I am feeling and going through is natural!
The next book on my list is... "Every Drunken Cheerleader, Why Not Me?".... The title says it all!
So, this surgery has made it pretty difficult to manage all my fertility testing methods. This morning I woke up at 4 in pretty bad pain, but I was sure to take my BBT and Ovacue oral readings before getting out of bed to get meds and ice for my face!! Talk about dedication!! My vaginal readings on my Ovacue are starting to decline (which indicates the ovulation is approaching)... So we started the fertility window BDing yesterday. We are finally doing something again... What a relief. It is crazy how excited I am to take my vaginal readings every night to see what they say my body is doing. Whatever I can do to pass the time! I also started reading the book "The Conception Chronicles"... It is hilarious! I feel like I am reading an excerpt from my own journey. The things they talk about thinking and doing as they began their own journey and realized that it wasn't going to be easy for them are exactly what I did and thought! I don't know why I find books like this relaxing and comforting... Maybe because it reassures me that there are a lot of women out there who struggle, but eventually succeed and that what I am feeling and going through is natural!
The next book on my list is... "Every Drunken Cheerleader, Why Not Me?".... The title says it all!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Surgery went well.... I am hungry!!
My oral surgery is finally over!! Things went well, they left the actual implant case in my bone to try and save me from another surgery. They removed the post and the crown and put in a bone graft. He said there was way more infection than he expected, so it took him longer than planned. As I was leaving, I remember the nurse telling me that I was talking to them the whole time and it was so "cute".... Ugh!! I can only imagine what I was talking about! They put me under a conscious sedation, so I'm sleeping but conscious at the same time... He told my hubby that I must have been nervous, because I didn't want to go to sleep and he had to give me a second dose... Ha! They also give me a drug that induces amnesia, so I woke up this morning feeling I completely blacked out all of yesterday afternoon and night! However, I woke up this morning at 5am to take my readings and was surprised to find that I had taken my Ovacue vaginal reading when I got home. My husband said that I was half sleeping and completely loopy, but adamant that I not forget my reading!
The Ovacue has predicted out my fertile window. I am on CD9, so we are entering the "fun" part of my cycle!! I am so excited to see how the month plays out.
My sister is coming home this weekend to visit her niece (her husband's sister's daughter) who is 16 and just had a baby last week.... SERIOUSLY??? It makes me absolutely furious and sick when I think about these kids who get pregnant. Ugh...I just wish it was me! I mean really... SNOOKI??? She isn't a "kid", but it is hard to think why these things just happen to people! I will save that topic for a day when I'm on the other end of this cycle and need something to write about to waste some 2ww time!
The novacaine Is starting to wear off (I can't imagine how much they gave me if it is still numb!?), so I'm going to get back to icing and relaxing. Hopefully my mom will be here soon with a malt for breakfast... I'm on a completely liquid diet for the next 2 weeks!! Lucky me... Ugh!
The Ovacue has predicted out my fertile window. I am on CD9, so we are entering the "fun" part of my cycle!! I am so excited to see how the month plays out.
My sister is coming home this weekend to visit her niece (her husband's sister's daughter) who is 16 and just had a baby last week.... SERIOUSLY??? It makes me absolutely furious and sick when I think about these kids who get pregnant. Ugh...I just wish it was me! I mean really... SNOOKI??? She isn't a "kid", but it is hard to think why these things just happen to people! I will save that topic for a day when I'm on the other end of this cycle and need something to write about to waste some 2ww time!
The novacaine Is starting to wear off (I can't imagine how much they gave me if it is still numb!?), so I'm going to get back to icing and relaxing. Hopefully my mom will be here soon with a malt for breakfast... I'm on a completely liquid diet for the next 2 weeks!! Lucky me... Ugh!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Surgery tomorrow....again!
Ugh!!! I can't believe I have to have surgery again tomorrow! It will be a long day... My surgery isn't until 3:00, so I will be able to go to work all day, but I can't eat after 9:00 am tomorrow morning. I'm going to have to eat a couple large breakfasts. No usually some other speech therapists from the district for lunch on Wednesadys... Talk about torture!! I'm very excited to have it over with, but I'm not looking forward to the long road of recovery that has come with these surgeries in the past. I had 5 dental implants that we're put in about 10 years ago. I have had problems with one of them for the past year. Last year at this time it became infected and i was losing bone. I needed surgery for a bone graft and to clean out the infection. All went well and seemed to heal nicely. At my check up in January, I was told the infection had resurfaced and I the bone graft was almost completely gone. The dentist thinks that it resurfaced while I was pregnant because my immune system was down. So now he is going to actually remove the entire implant and do a bone and gum graft with the hopes that the infection will completely clear up without anything in the space. I will have another surgery sometime after 3 months to have it reimplanted. I'm in no hurry to have it put back in. I want to make sure everything's healed since pregnancy is so hard on your teeth. I hope to get pregnant before it is time to have another surgery anyway!!! I spent tonight getting my house in order so I can come home from the surgery and relax.
Fingers crossed that all goes well!
Fingers crossed that all goes well!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Back to acupuncture...
I went back to acupuncture for my 1st treatment prior to ovulation. My second treatment prior to ovulation is on Friday and then I have to have 2 treatments after ovulation. I'm still not positive when I ovulate so I'm hesitant to schedule those appointments yet. I was pretty skeptical of the acupuncture, but the DR comes very highly recommended and they refer all of their IVF patients there. It is in such a relaxing atmosphere and I always sleep so well afterwards. If nothing else, it has to help reduce stres....which ultimately increases fertility in one way or another!
Had my post-op appointment today and all went well. He scheduled hubby for a repeat SA on April 3. This will help us to know what treatment options we are candidates for. He's been taking many different vitamins in order to improve morphology and motility, so we hope IUI will be possible if we can't conceive naturally. He wants me to have one natural cycle and then plans to start me on Leprazole with the start of the next cycle. I am more familiar with clomid, so I need to do some research to look into this med. He wants to give this a try before doing more costly procedures. Hopefully we won't need any of this! Fingers crossed!
Had my post-op appointment today and all went well. He scheduled hubby for a repeat SA on April 3. This will help us to know what treatment options we are candidates for. He's been taking many different vitamins in order to improve morphology and motility, so we hope IUI will be possible if we can't conceive naturally. He wants me to have one natural cycle and then plans to start me on Leprazole with the start of the next cycle. I am more familiar with clomid, so I need to do some research to look into this med. He wants to give this a try before doing more costly procedures. Hopefully we won't need any of this! Fingers crossed!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Happy St. Patty's Day!!
What a perfect Saturday... Hubby and I took care of some things on our "before baby" list. We both seem to be "nesting" before we are even expecting! we are both so ready to be parents. I started taking my BBT (basal body temperature) and my ovacue readings with the start of my period. I plan to get them posted somewhere to my blog.... On my "to do" list for tomorrow!! I've got a pretty good handle on interpreting my ovacue readings, but I still need to do some research in order to understand my BBT a bit better. I wake up at 5:00 during the week, so on the weekends I have to wake up at 5 to take my readings and then I can get up, pee and go back to bed...... UGH!
Friday, March 16, 2012
TGIF!!
I am so excited for the weekend! The weather is absolutely beautiful so unit should be a productive weekend. We celebrated the beginning of our TTC journey tonight with some sushi and a glass of wine. I only have 4 meals left before my oral surgery and I won't be able to eat solid foods! We saw a couple with a new baby at the restaurant and I couldn't help but tear up... My hubby thought I was loony!! Wy can't I control my emotions! I feel very empty and my biological clock is ticking so loudly!!
Well, off to a relaxing evening with the movie "The Descendants"' a bowl of ice cream and some snuggling with the two loves of my life... My hubby and my puppy!!
Well, off to a relaxing evening with the movie "The Descendants"' a bowl of ice cream and some snuggling with the two loves of my life... My hubby and my puppy!!
4 months ago today....
Sad day.... Four months ago today, we said good-bye to our little angel. It has been an incredibly long road, but we can finally move on and try for our next little miracle. We miss our baby every day.... Forever in our hearts. 11/15/11.
I usually have lunch with some ladies from work once a week and today we met to have a baby shower for a girl who just had a baby 2 weeks ago. Right when I got there she wanted me to hold the baby while she ordered and everyone started teasing me about how great I looked with a baby and telling me to hurry up and make one!! None of them have any idea that we have even been trying and all the issues we've had. I completely lost it and started crying when I told them about the miscarriage. They all felt horrible, but I felt worse.... My entire body ached when I was holding her. It was absolutely excruciating. I so badly want that happiness for myself. However, why is it that people who have just had a baby tell you to not to rush and to enjoy your time before you do have one because their life has changed so much. That is the most frustrating thing to hear when you would give anything to experience those changes in your life... Oh what people can't understand when things come so easy for them...
I usually have lunch with some ladies from work once a week and today we met to have a baby shower for a girl who just had a baby 2 weeks ago. Right when I got there she wanted me to hold the baby while she ordered and everyone started teasing me about how great I looked with a baby and telling me to hurry up and make one!! None of them have any idea that we have even been trying and all the issues we've had. I completely lost it and started crying when I told them about the miscarriage. They all felt horrible, but I felt worse.... My entire body ached when I was holding her. It was absolutely excruciating. I so badly want that happiness for myself. However, why is it that people who have just had a baby tell you to not to rush and to enjoy your time before you do have one because their life has changed so much. That is the most frustrating thing to hear when you would give anything to experience those changes in your life... Oh what people can't understand when things come so easy for them...
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
It's official.... CD1 of Cycle #12!
It is official, Aunto Flo has arrived and is here to stay for a while!! I can't begin to express what a relief it is. I am pleasantly surprised because in the past my cramping and backaches that she brought with her were absolutely debilitating. The doctor said that I would see some improvement in these symptoms after the laparoscopy and the removal of the endometriosis, but this is way better than expected! We can now OFFICIALLY start on this journey again.... And so it has already begun...
The RE's nurse wanted me to call her if/when my cycle started. When I called her today, she asked about what our plan was for treatment. I told her that I wasn't sure, but we do feel like we need to have a couple cycles to try naturally before we start anything. She scheduled Eric for a repeat SA tomorrow so we would know where we stand with that and so we could talk with the RE at my post-op appointment on Monday about what treatment options we are candidates for. However, if we don't do any treatments right away then they will have him repeat it whenever we decide to start up. So I cancelled the appoinment for him. We really don't need this information until we are truly reading to resort to treatments. Not to mention it cost over $300 for each one and it isn't covered by insurance. Hubby is convinced we can do this without any interventions since he has been taking all of these vitamins to help out the little guys and he is convinced it comes down totiming! I agree with giving ourselves a couple months to try naturally, but I am a planner.... I need a plan and a timeline! He understood this so we came to a decision....
We are going to try on our own for 3 cycles(or longer if we can handle it) before starting to think about treatments. I really want some time to BBT, use my Ovacue fertility monitor and take consistent OPKs again. I want to just give it the good old college try!! After that, hubby will do the repeat SA to see what the options are from there. This will get us out of the school year and into the summer so I can more easily make the appointments needed for treatments anyway!! Who knows, the vitamins might be working wonders and all is good... One can hope!
What a happy day on this very frustrating TTC journey!!!!!!! The light at the end of this tunnel keeps getting brighter!
The RE's nurse wanted me to call her if/when my cycle started. When I called her today, she asked about what our plan was for treatment. I told her that I wasn't sure, but we do feel like we need to have a couple cycles to try naturally before we start anything. She scheduled Eric for a repeat SA tomorrow so we would know where we stand with that and so we could talk with the RE at my post-op appointment on Monday about what treatment options we are candidates for. However, if we don't do any treatments right away then they will have him repeat it whenever we decide to start up. So I cancelled the appoinment for him. We really don't need this information until we are truly reading to resort to treatments. Not to mention it cost over $300 for each one and it isn't covered by insurance. Hubby is convinced we can do this without any interventions since he has been taking all of these vitamins to help out the little guys and he is convinced it comes down totiming! I agree with giving ourselves a couple months to try naturally, but I am a planner.... I need a plan and a timeline! He understood this so we came to a decision....
We are going to try on our own for 3 cycles(or longer if we can handle it) before starting to think about treatments. I really want some time to BBT, use my Ovacue fertility monitor and take consistent OPKs again. I want to just give it the good old college try!! After that, hubby will do the repeat SA to see what the options are from there. This will get us out of the school year and into the summer so I can more easily make the appointments needed for treatments anyway!! Who knows, the vitamins might be working wonders and all is good... One can hope!
What a happy day on this very frustrating TTC journey!!!!!!! The light at the end of this tunnel keeps getting brighter!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
CD1.... Just around the corner!!
Well... I officially started spotting today and about had a heart attack because I was so excited!!! I wasn't expecting it until the end of the week, and for once it is a welcomed surprise. It is more significant spotting than I have had over the past 3 months, so I'm very optimistic that things are returning to normal. Hopefully it will turn into a full flow by tomorrow so we can continue on this TTC journey!! It is going to be such a relief if things progress naturally from here!!!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Nothing to do with my TTC journey!!
This technically has nothing to do with my own TTC journey, but I have to comment on it... The Bachelor... Is he really this stupid??? I've read the spoilers and I know he chooses Courtney, but seriously? How does she snowball everybody? I'm pretty sure they aren't together anymore because on the "Women Tell All" episode last week she made a comment that she "cared" for him. I can only imagine what he has been thinking as he has watched the season progress. Talk about cringe! I don't normally watch this crap, but what else do I have to do while I pass the time waiting for my BFP!!! I am soooo excited for the "After the Final Rose" episode tonight to see how this all plays out! Gotta love the smut TV!!! My life isn't so bad after all!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Sunday.... Ahhhh!
I absolutely LOVE Sundays.... If only Monday didn't have to follow!! Hubby was away hunting this weekend, so I spent some much needed time with my mom. Went to dinner, had a margarita and then decided to go see "The Vow". The movie was actually very good. It took me through a whole range of emotions. Spent the day at the mall shopping catching some sales with my mom... I love me a good sale!! All of the stores are starting to get in their spring clothes, so I was able to find some fun things. Sometimes I find myself avoiding buying clothes for the next season, because I'm always hoping to be too big and pregnant to fit into them. What better way to spend my summer off of work than to be incubating a little sprout!! I can only dream and think positive!!
I am growing impatient as the coming week approaches and wondering whether or not my period is going to be back to normal this month. I know I have said it before, but I am sooooo anxious to get back on track with the baby making! It has been way too long. The countdown continues.......
I am growing impatient as the coming week approaches and wondering whether or not my period is going to be back to normal this month. I know I have said it before, but I am sooooo anxious to get back on track with the baby making! It has been way too long. The countdown continues.......
Saturday, March 10, 2012
One week left!?
Hopefully by this time next weekend, I will be enjoying a visit from my long lost Aunt Flo! I am beyond ready for this wait to be over. I'm really struggling to stay positive lately and feel like things are never going to go back to normal. Thank goodness for my hubby... I can always count on him to bring me back to reality.
Now my gripe for the day... I'm not a loyal Facebooker, but I do check it pretty daily to stay up to date with what is going on in the lives of my friends. However, I've found myself avoiding Facebook like the plague. Shortly after our miscarriage, I started getting almost daily status updates of people close to me who were announcing that they are expecting and 4 of them are due in June (the same month as we were supposed to be having a baby). Then in January, I started getting updates announcing the sex of the baby... And now I get weekly baby bump photo updates!! I do my very best to be happy for these people, but I have to honestly say that I am so jealous of what they are experiencing. Not to mention the fact that it is a constant reminder of what was so quickly taken away from me. It seems like everywhere I go there's either a pregnant woman or a baby. I went to the mall yesterday and actuhally laughed out loud because i felt like I was in some sick dream where everyone was pregnant or had a baby!! It was unreal! Only other women who struggle to get pregnant can truly understand the aching and absolute gut wrenching pain you feel when you see a mom with her new little one. I hate to admit that I find myself avoiding socializing with our two friends who are both due in June, but it is just to painful to listen to them talk about all the preparations they are doing and the experiences they are having. It really peeves me when they start complaining about how uncomfortable they are and how they truly don't like being pregnant... If they only knew what I would give to take their place.
Now my gripe for the day... I'm not a loyal Facebooker, but I do check it pretty daily to stay up to date with what is going on in the lives of my friends. However, I've found myself avoiding Facebook like the plague. Shortly after our miscarriage, I started getting almost daily status updates of people close to me who were announcing that they are expecting and 4 of them are due in June (the same month as we were supposed to be having a baby). Then in January, I started getting updates announcing the sex of the baby... And now I get weekly baby bump photo updates!! I do my very best to be happy for these people, but I have to honestly say that I am so jealous of what they are experiencing. Not to mention the fact that it is a constant reminder of what was so quickly taken away from me. It seems like everywhere I go there's either a pregnant woman or a baby. I went to the mall yesterday and actuhally laughed out loud because i felt like I was in some sick dream where everyone was pregnant or had a baby!! It was unreal! Only other women who struggle to get pregnant can truly understand the aching and absolute gut wrenching pain you feel when you see a mom with her new little one. I hate to admit that I find myself avoiding socializing with our two friends who are both due in June, but it is just to painful to listen to them talk about all the preparations they are doing and the experiences they are having. It really peeves me when they start complaining about how uncomfortable they are and how they truly don't like being pregnant... If they only knew what I would give to take their place.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Ovulation confirmed!
A move in the right direction!! Went in for my blood work this morning and my progesterone levels and estradiol indicated that ovulation occurred in the past 2-3 days. So no Provera needed and we definitely know my hormones are normal so far this month. Now we just have to wait... I should have a period by next weekend!! I'm ready to be healed from my surgery, get a period and celebrate with a glass of wine and some sushi to commence the return of the baby making!!
As for the recovery, I'm healing well from the surgery. My sutures get sore by the end of the day from my pants rubbing on them, so I've been trying to wear pretty loose pants. It will be interesting to know if I have less back pain with my periods... However, it all comes back to waiting for damn Aunt Flo!!
As for the recovery, I'm healing well from the surgery. My sutures get sore by the end of the day from my pants rubbing on them, so I've been trying to wear pretty loose pants. It will be interesting to know if I have less back pain with my periods... However, it all comes back to waiting for damn Aunt Flo!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
The day that wouldn't end!
Well, the RE's nurse finally called me back at 4:30 and said the RE was ok with waiting because he was pretty confident that I would get a period this cycle.... Not sure what makes him so confident if he thinks it is all hormonal?! However, he understood my frustration and ordered some labwork - FSH, LSH and progesterone. If my progesterone is elevated indicating that ovulation occurred then we will expect a period... If it isn't elevated then they will put me on another round of provera to induce a period. She wanted me to come in before 5:00 when the lab closes so we could get the results in the morning... Went out to my car to rush to the lab and.... My car wouldn't start!!! Ugh! Needless to say, I didn't get to the lab tonight and ended up stuck at work until 5:30 when my hubby could come give me a jump... I am exhausted and so glad to be home.
Now, just crossing my fingers that progesterone will be elevated tomorrow so I can have some sense that things are working on their own!!!
Now, just crossing my fingers that progesterone will be elevated tomorrow so I can have some sense that things are working on their own!!!
Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!
That is me.... Screaming at the top of my lungs in frustration! I just got a call from the nurse today to go over the RE's surgical report. Aside from what I already knew, she said that he didn't find any scarring or adhesions inside my uterus that would be causing me not to get my period. She said that he is still under the assumption that it is all hormonal... Possibly related to stress?? (stress delays ovulation, which we know I am doing...) I immediately started crying... How can this be?? We know that I'm ovulating based on progesterone levels and we know that my lining was thick enough to shed and we even confirmed through ultrasound that my uterus was shedding... So where the heck is it going?? I keep getting blood drawn and they keep telling me that everything looks normal. If my hormones look normal, how can this be hormonal??? I'm sorry, but even I know that if you ovulate, there are only 2 options... You either get a period or you get pregnant... GRRRR. He says that there is a slight possibility that there was some scar tissue that was broken up upon insertion of the hysteroscope, but there isn't any way to confirm that and he isnt convinced that it is the cause of missing periods...Ugh! I know that time will tell, but I'm so tired of not having answers. I can only take some comfort in the fact that there isn't anything structurally wrong with my uterus and that I have a great home for a little one to grow.
I told the nurse that if he is assuming that this is all hormonal, then I want to do whatever we can to THIS CYCLE to try and get my hormones back on track so that we can move on with our lives.... Not to mention TTC. She said she would talk to the RE and express my confusion and concern and see what we could do this month to help bring on a period. She is assuming he will have me come in for bloodwork this afternoon to check progesterone levels and other hormones to see where i am in y cycle. We are assuming I am on about CD18 (based on cycle pain), so I should've ovulated and my progesterone should be high. I'm still waiting for that call to see where we go from here.
I really do like my RE and I know that it is pretty much a guessing game. I just don't feel like they are looking at the past couple months as a whole. I feel like every day is a constant reminder of the huge loss we suffered almost 16 weeks ago. There has been no closure and we haven't been able to move on. Total devastation...
I would scream from the top of a mountain if I could, but there isn't one close enough....
I told the nurse that if he is assuming that this is all hormonal, then I want to do whatever we can to THIS CYCLE to try and get my hormones back on track so that we can move on with our lives.... Not to mention TTC. She said she would talk to the RE and express my confusion and concern and see what we could do this month to help bring on a period. She is assuming he will have me come in for bloodwork this afternoon to check progesterone levels and other hormones to see where i am in y cycle. We are assuming I am on about CD18 (based on cycle pain), so I should've ovulated and my progesterone should be high. I'm still waiting for that call to see where we go from here.
I really do like my RE and I know that it is pretty much a guessing game. I just don't feel like they are looking at the past couple months as a whole. I feel like every day is a constant reminder of the huge loss we suffered almost 16 weeks ago. There has been no closure and we haven't been able to move on. Total devastation...
I would scream from the top of a mountain if I could, but there isn't one close enough....
Monday, March 5, 2012
So many emotions.....
The emotional side effect of the anesthetic was in full force yesterday!! I had so many emotions running through my brain. I went from happy to sad, then laughing and then crying. I was hopeless and hopeful and then patient... In a pretty steady 29 minute cycle!! God bless my hubby!!! He has been awesome through this entire thing. Today I am feeling incredibly anxious for my next cycle to start so I know for sure that my body is back to normal. I don't even need to start trying... I just want a period!!!
I guess I can consider myself in my TWW (two week wait)... The longest 2 weeks of the month. Not the typical TWW, but a wait nonetheless. It is crazy how much waiting comes along with TTC. The first year of marriage has absolutely flown by because we are constantly looking 2 weeks ahead.
I did go back to work and I was absolutely exhausted by lunch. I think It is going to be an early night tonight...
I guess I can consider myself in my TWW (two week wait)... The longest 2 weeks of the month. Not the typical TWW, but a wait nonetheless. It is crazy how much waiting comes along with TTC. The first year of marriage has absolutely flown by because we are constantly looking 2 weeks ahead.
I did go back to work and I was absolutely exhausted by lunch. I think It is going to be an early night tonight...
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Feeling better...
The past couple days have seemed very long. I actually didn't expect to be this uncomfortable after the procedure. I was taking the Percocet yesterday to help with the pain I was feeling in my shoulders, but I woke up this morning feeling like yesterday was a complete blur! Decided to try the ibuprofen they prescribed to see if I could manage the discomfort with something less narcotic! I had to wait 48hrs to remove my bandages and take a shower, so I was actually able to shower and clean myself up today. Incisions don't look too bad... My belly button incision is definitely bruised and very tender. Hubby wanted to get me up and out of the house for a bit today so he took me to get something light to eat. I quickly learned not to eat large meals... The more I eat, the more discomfort I have in my shoulders. It was a a lot more uncomfortable than I expected to be out and about. Hopefully that subsides by Monday because I have to go back to work.
I am so excited to be on the upside of all of this again. We are finally able to have a positive outlook on our TTC future!
Off to rest up!
I am so excited to be on the upside of all of this again. We are finally able to have a positive outlook on our TTC future!
Off to rest up!
Friday, March 2, 2012
A "BEAUTIFUL" Uterus!
I had the hysteroscopy and laparoscopy yesterday... It was quite the procedure! We checked in at 9:00 am and were taken to my pre-op room where we got checked in and met with the nurses, changed into my lovely gown, took a pregnancy test (which was obviously negative) and got my IV started. My RE came in and talked with us for a significant amount of time and went through the entire procedure from start to finish. I had a whole list of questions and he answered every single one of them without having to ask him. It was so reassuring and calmed some of my nerves. He is pretty funny and tried to lighten the mood by joking about what would happen if men had to be the one who got pregnant... The human race would surely be extinct! They gave me a medication about 10 minutes before they took me to the operating room to help me relax... It was definitely a feel good medicine! I kissed my hubby good-bye and they reassured him they would take very good care of me. I got in the operating room and they had me sit on the operating table. There was a lot of hustle and bustle so I'm glad I opted for that initial med to help me relax. They got me hooked up to the machines and bundled me up so I was nice and warm. The nurse anesthetist came in and I was asleep.....
It is all a blur, but I remember waking up in the recovery room with an oxygen mask on and uncontrollably shaking - which is very common for me when I wake up for anesthesia. However, the shaking was irritating my laparoscopy incisions and my cervix was trying to contract back to normal. I remember them asking what my pain was on a scale of 1-10 and I said "15!"... She pushed a dose of IV pain meds and piled on the blankets to keep me from shivering. It relieved some pain and got me down to a 10, so she pushed another dose of IV pain med. The IV meds made my nose itch horribly, but my pain was subsiding. Once the pain was under control, the nurse sat me up and gave me some crackers and ice chips so I could take some oral pain meds that are longer lasting. My vitals were stable and I kept the food down so I was able to be moved to the next area of recovery where I got to see my hubby and mom.....
I arrived at my final recovery room where they placed a warm blanket on my belly and bundled me up nice and warm. They got me some water and buttered toast, but my mouth was too dry to eat and my throat was sore from the breathing tube i had during the surgery. My mom and hubby arrived and filled me in on what the RE had discovered during the procedure!
They started by inserting the breathing tube and urinary catheter. Then he began the laparoscopy by making an incision in my belly button. He looked at all of my other organs to make sure everything looked ok and then focused on my uterus, Fallopian tubes and ovaries. He noted mild endometriosis on my ovaries and the back of my uterus (which could've been the source of my back pain). He then inserted a catheter into my cervix and injected a blue dye into my uterus to see if it would flow freely through my Fallopian tubes, which he was able to see with the laparoscopy... Perfect! He made 2 more incisions and was able to remove the endometriosis, as well as a cyst off of my ovary. He then removed the dye and inserted the hysteroscopy into my uterus. He did not see any intrauterine adhesions, polyps or fibroids!! He said I have a "beautiful" uterus that will make an amazing home for a little one. Not a compliment you hear every day... but I'll take it! He is assuming I had some scar tissue somewhere in the cervix that was preventing flow out of the uterus, that was broken up with the insertion of the hysteroscope. The results are better than I ever expected!!!! We were given the green light to go ahead and try with this next cycle since it is pretty late in this cycle! My hubby and mom were very impressed with the RE and how good he was at elaining how the surgery went and the amount of time he took with them.
While in recovery, I was very nauseous so it took me awhile to get discharged. I had to be able to walk and pee before I could be discharged. It took me 3 cups of water, a diet coke and 4 trips to the bathroom before I could actually go to the bathroom. I was so glad my hubby and my mom were both there. There is something comforting about having my mom there with him. I was discharged at abou 5:30! Talk about a long day for them!
Since I've been home, I haven't had much vaginal bleeding since he didn't have to do much, but my lap incisions and abdomen are pretty tender. I'm having some radiating shoulder pain, which is common from all the co2 gas that was put onto my belly. My mom bought me a bear hug from Origins... It is scented with orange and ginger and is something you heat up in the microwave and is used around your neck to relieve shoulder and neck pain. It has been a life saver! It smells amazing and is so calming, but the warmth really helps relieve the pain in my shoulders. LOVE IT!! Thanks, mom! The biggest pain in the butt is the frequent peeing because it is so much work to get in and out of my chair.
All in all, this was a somewhat painful experience, but so worth the peace of mind. I'm so relieved that there isn't any scar tissue inside my uterus that would negatively impact my ability to get pregnant. We now know that everything is in working order!! Hopefully I won't develop any scar tisue in my cervix again, but that problem is easily fixed if it happens again. Hopefully it was just a fluke!
Finally , hubby and I are feeling so good about trying again. I can once again see being pregnant and having a baby in our future. There is finally a light at the end of this very long tunnel! Off to rest and heal my baby maker!
It is all a blur, but I remember waking up in the recovery room with an oxygen mask on and uncontrollably shaking - which is very common for me when I wake up for anesthesia. However, the shaking was irritating my laparoscopy incisions and my cervix was trying to contract back to normal. I remember them asking what my pain was on a scale of 1-10 and I said "15!"... She pushed a dose of IV pain meds and piled on the blankets to keep me from shivering. It relieved some pain and got me down to a 10, so she pushed another dose of IV pain med. The IV meds made my nose itch horribly, but my pain was subsiding. Once the pain was under control, the nurse sat me up and gave me some crackers and ice chips so I could take some oral pain meds that are longer lasting. My vitals were stable and I kept the food down so I was able to be moved to the next area of recovery where I got to see my hubby and mom.....
I arrived at my final recovery room where they placed a warm blanket on my belly and bundled me up nice and warm. They got me some water and buttered toast, but my mouth was too dry to eat and my throat was sore from the breathing tube i had during the surgery. My mom and hubby arrived and filled me in on what the RE had discovered during the procedure!
They started by inserting the breathing tube and urinary catheter. Then he began the laparoscopy by making an incision in my belly button. He looked at all of my other organs to make sure everything looked ok and then focused on my uterus, Fallopian tubes and ovaries. He noted mild endometriosis on my ovaries and the back of my uterus (which could've been the source of my back pain). He then inserted a catheter into my cervix and injected a blue dye into my uterus to see if it would flow freely through my Fallopian tubes, which he was able to see with the laparoscopy... Perfect! He made 2 more incisions and was able to remove the endometriosis, as well as a cyst off of my ovary. He then removed the dye and inserted the hysteroscopy into my uterus. He did not see any intrauterine adhesions, polyps or fibroids!! He said I have a "beautiful" uterus that will make an amazing home for a little one. Not a compliment you hear every day... but I'll take it! He is assuming I had some scar tissue somewhere in the cervix that was preventing flow out of the uterus, that was broken up with the insertion of the hysteroscope. The results are better than I ever expected!!!! We were given the green light to go ahead and try with this next cycle since it is pretty late in this cycle! My hubby and mom were very impressed with the RE and how good he was at elaining how the surgery went and the amount of time he took with them.
While in recovery, I was very nauseous so it took me awhile to get discharged. I had to be able to walk and pee before I could be discharged. It took me 3 cups of water, a diet coke and 4 trips to the bathroom before I could actually go to the bathroom. I was so glad my hubby and my mom were both there. There is something comforting about having my mom there with him. I was discharged at abou 5:30! Talk about a long day for them!
Since I've been home, I haven't had much vaginal bleeding since he didn't have to do much, but my lap incisions and abdomen are pretty tender. I'm having some radiating shoulder pain, which is common from all the co2 gas that was put onto my belly. My mom bought me a bear hug from Origins... It is scented with orange and ginger and is something you heat up in the microwave and is used around your neck to relieve shoulder and neck pain. It has been a life saver! It smells amazing and is so calming, but the warmth really helps relieve the pain in my shoulders. LOVE IT!! Thanks, mom! The biggest pain in the butt is the frequent peeing because it is so much work to get in and out of my chair.
All in all, this was a somewhat painful experience, but so worth the peace of mind. I'm so relieved that there isn't any scar tissue inside my uterus that would negatively impact my ability to get pregnant. We now know that everything is in working order!! Hopefully I won't develop any scar tisue in my cervix again, but that problem is easily fixed if it happens again. Hopefully it was just a fluke!
Finally , hubby and I are feeling so good about trying again. I can once again see being pregnant and having a baby in our future. There is finally a light at the end of this very long tunnel! Off to rest and heal my baby maker!
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