Friday, May 18, 2012

2dpo..........

Today was a day... not a good day, not a bad day... just a day.  It is crazy to think that I only ovualted 2 days ago.  At this rate, my 2ww is going to seem like an eternity!  My abdomen is still a bit tender and bloated from ovualtion.  Ovulation started on Wednesday night, which caused BDing to be the most incredibly painful thing I have ever experienced on Wednesday and Thursday!  It felt like my ovaries, uterus and cervix were so sensitive and a little bruised.  We made it through, but it was NOT fun.  I called the nurse today to see if this was normal and she said that unfortunately it is normal when having multiple follicles rupture.  I guess this is what happens with you have a whole litter of follicles waiting to rupture!  I wonder how many eggs were actually released??  It is strange to think that there could be a total miracle happening in my uterus right now!!  Wouldn't that be just an amazing surprise??

I have one good friend who I have been sharing my TTC journey with because she was also TTC.  I got a text from her today announcing that she is expecting and due in December.... totalyl crushed.  I was sitting in the waiting room at the dermatologist and I almost lost it.  I so badly want to be happy for her, but I can't.  Every time I hear of another person who gets pregnant or has a baby it feels like someone punched me in my stomach.  My heart literally breaks.  It might be selfish and it might be a bit of a pity party, but I can only take so much of other people's good news!  I am ready for some... seriously... why can't something work out for us? I know that life isn't fair, but this is just cruel. 

I am trying to stay positive for this cycle.  I have such a good feeling that we must have caught one of those eggs that was released!!  I also have a sense of calm because we have a plan for what comes next.  It is scary to think that we have come to this decision, but it is what is best for us in this journey. 

Will anything good come out of this cycle???  Crossing my fingers and toes that a little miracle is at work.....

2 comments:

  1. Ali, I feel exactly as you do about other people's good news. It's so hard when you don't have that good news yourself, and don't know if you ever will... the teacher across the hall from my room is 7 months pregnant and it has been torture watching her grow over the last few months. It's so hard... AND I understand about the painful BDing. I went through that in March. It was so painful I was terrified something burst inside me and I went to ER!! But it was all ok. Stay strong...

    Juice

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  2. Ali-
    So sorry I have been absent the last two weeks. After finals I had 2 days off, which I spent with hubby, and then I started studying for boards, which I take June 7th. I study from 8 am to 10-11 pm everyday so I have been incredibly busy. When I take time off I try to spend it with hubby since I have been ignoring him during the day to study in isolation. I keep checking the board and your blog to keep up with how you are doing this month, but I can’t seem to find time to post because I keep off the internet while I am studying so that I don’t get distracted. I wish I could have been more supportive of you this month. I am glad that you went ahead and did injectable and bd-ed despite several mature follicles. Since your husband sperm morphology is low I am guessing your chances of multiples isn’t that high (and surely not 8!) but I am really excited for you to have so many targets / chances for conception to occur  It is like you get 8 months’ worth of tries all at once!
    Dee

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