Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day....

To all of you ladies along this journey with me who are feeling empty this Mother's Day... I found this and wanted to share it with you.  We are all mother's of Angel Babies and deserve to be celebrated for what we have had to endure... 

Can you be a Mother when your baby is not with you?
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see, my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Today is harder than I ever expected... I am celebrating the mothers that we have in our lives and all that they have done for us, but I'm also mourning the baby that I will never get to hold or be a "real" mother to.  Last year, I never dreamt that I would be spending another Mother's Day on this journey without something to celebrate... rather, the realization that this path is only getting longer, more emotional and a lot more stressful.  I celebrated Mother's Day yesterday with my mom... we went golfing and ate dinner up at their lake cabin.  Instead of talking about all the preparations for our baby that was supposed to be arriving in a month or about how it feels to finally be a mom, we spent it talking about HOW and IF I'm ever going to be a mother and if my hubby will ever be a father.  I know it kills my parents to see us struggling so much, so I felt horrible that this was the news we had to bring them.   I know that there are bigger plans for me, that this isn't the end of this journey and that I will get the opportunity to hold a baby that is all my own in my arms.  It is hard to think positively when all of  your hopes and dreams have already been ripped away without any warning.  It is like you are always waiting for the next round of bad news. 

When do we get a break... when will good things start happening for us... when will life get a little easier and more fun... when can we relax and be truly happy?

Happy Mother's Day....  

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