I am still alive....

July's cycle was a bust.  No miracle happened.  On to the next cycle....

We did 25mg clomid daily (half a tablet) CD3-8.  I went in for my midcycle ultrasound and I had 3 mature follicles - 18, 18, 19- and my endometrial lining was thick (can't remember the details).  We decided to trigger and have timed intercourse.  I started the progesterone suppositories and eventually and inevitably got my period on 8/26.  Ugh.  I am frustrated. 

Unfortunately, my husband and I have been dealing with some issues in our marriage and I am wanting to take some time off from actively trying.  We are very strong and I know we will get through this, but I want to take a couple months off in order to take that stress away.  I have felt a very strong need to have a laparoscopy/hysteroscopy again.  I felt like there was more going on with my own body that has been impacting fertility.  I also have been having horrible back pain that is impacting my quality of life and ability to do things... like sitting in a chair or laying on the floor.  When I got my period, I called and scheduled an appointment with the doctor to make a decision whether we continue to go through treatment or go forward with the procedure and take some time off from trying.  Since I was wanting to take some time off trying, I thought this would be the perfect time to go through with the surgery.  So....

Today I am recovering from my second laparoscopy and hysteroscopy.  I had the procedure yesterday at 1pm and was able to come home about 6pm.  My parents were able to take the twins with them up to our lake cabin to give me some time to recover.  I can't lift hem for 2 weeks, so we are going to need to get creative.  When talking to the doctor, typically second laparoscopy surgeries with removal of endometriosis does not increase fertility like the initial procedure will.  Unless of course there is something structural going on.  My biggest reason for wanting the procedure done was relief of my back pain, but I also had a gut feeling that something else was wrong. Initially, we were just going to do the laparoscopy, but with the concern of Asherman's after my first d&c, we decided to do the laparoscopy because I have had a second d&c.  Why not do it all while I am already under for this procedure. 

The procedure went very well.  She removed endometrial tissue that was adhering my uterus to my posterior pelvic wall... right where all my back pain is.  They also removed what appeared to be a second accessory fallopian tube... yes, that would mean I had 3 fallopian tubes?!  The pathology report came back and it was tubal tissue.  She thinks they missed it during the first laparoscopy because of the significant adhesions I had... still not sure how you miss a third fallopian tube!   My actual, working left fallopian tube was tied up like a pretzel.  She thought that the accessory fallopian tube was causing my left fallopian tube to get tied up.  She flushed out both tubes and now both are working appropriately!  She also did a hysteroscopy and found some mild adhesions in the lower uterus.  She actually had some difficulty inserting the scope into the uterus.  She was able to remove these "filmy adhesions" rather smoothly.  All of these things were directly impacting fertility!!!  I KNEW I needed this procedure.  Always trust your gut!!!  Dr V said that this was definitely a case where a second laparoscopy and hysteroscopy definitely impact fertility because of all the structural things that she found.  Yay!!

Now if I can get my hubby to actually do the things he says he is doing.  I have a SA scheduled for tomorrow to get a baseline.  I have vitamins for him to take (if he will take them) and am hoping he will give up the chewing and drinking.  I can only hope that the SA results will give him a reality check.  It takes 3 months to improve the SA results, so this is the perfect time.  We obviously have to take this month off and can start trying next month... if we/I want to. 

I am going to continue to lay on my couch and watch some smut TV in total silence for the next 20 minutes.  Then I have to go to a therapy appointment and then take my "babies" to their preschool open house?!?!  What?!?!  This can't be happening!!


Until then... I am going to enjoy.  This doesn't happen often!

Took some time to "just be"....

The last time I sat down to write about this incredibly frustrating journey, I was 13 dpo of the cycle in May... a cycle with a horrible false glimmer of hope.  I ended up getting my period on CD28... right on cue.  June was the exact same and this cycle is a whole different story!  I was so tired of writing the same thing over and over and over... failure after failure after failure.  I needed some time to not think about it... that didn't work.

Start of the next cycle...  I had talked to the NP at my last mid cycle ultrasound about when it would be time to start clomid to try and get an extra follicle to increase our chances of fertilization.  We decided now is that time.  So I called the office with the start of the next cycle and they called in a prescription for 50mg of clomid to take days 3-8.  I was able to skip the baseline ultrasound since I was not previously on any medication and have never had any issues with cysts.  The clomid wasn't horrible... a little crabbier, but everyone survived!  I went in for my CD12 ultrasound and the clomid definitely did what it was supposed to do.  She started the ultrasound and the follicles kept coming.  Not as many as the month I got pregnant with the twins, but 4 measurable follicles: 18, 17, 14, 13 and many that were just slightly smaller.  Unfortunately, this meant that we needed to abstain for the month because the risk for multiples was too high.  Total devastation.  Had this been a cycle prior to the twins, we would've triggered for sure, but after my high risk twin pregnancy and my strong desire to avoid another set of twins (sometimes I would really want another set)... I agreed that it was the best option.  However, it took us 9 follicles to get 3 eggs fertilized, so 4 follicles seems about right to get 1 egg fertilized!  This month has been full of regret.... maybe we should've ignored the doctor's orders and taken the chance.  I am just REALLY ready for the next month to start! 

It is currently CD27, not sure what DPO since I basically took this whole month off of even thinking about it.  There is a slight chance of pregnancy since we did have sex the night before my CD12 ultrasound, so there was likely sperm still living when I ovulated... wouldn't that be something!?!  Things like that don't happen to me, so I am not holding my breath.  Just hoping I can get in on Friday to get my baseline ultrasound and get the next month started.  I need to feel like we are back on track.   

On a positive note, I reached my deductible for my insurance so everything has been 100% covered since April!!  YAY!!  So glad I have Wellmark BCBS insurance an they cover all fertility treatments up to an insemination!  The only blessing here. 


Will update if some total miracle happens in the next couple days!

13 dpo...

I have thought all day that today was 12dpo... when I sat down to write this post, I realized that it is actually 13dpo.  That was the fastest 1 day wait ever!  I don't know if I am having any pregnancy symptoms or if they are progesterone side effects or just good old PMS.  My boobs are sore, I have a lot of gas and constipation... and I'm emotional and moody.  I am not supposed to test until Friday (my period should be here anytime between now and then), but I couldn't wait.  I tested this morning and got a negative... I think!?  I used a FRER test and I swear I could see a very light shadow if I looked in the right light.  Seriously... I probably had to hold it up to the light, stand on my head and squint to see something, but I swear there was something there.  Who knows... my mind could very possibly be playing tricks on me.  I didn't have the best sample this morning because I woke up with one of the kids at 3 and had to go to the bathroom.  Then I was up for the day at 7... so it was really only a 4 hour hold!  I wanted to be sure that I had enough tests for tomorrow morning if my period hadn't shown up, so I hauled the kids out in the rain to stock up.  You get a lot of funny looks from people when you have two noisy toddlers and are buying a bunch of pregnancy tests ;)

I spent the evening with a friend who is pregnant with her first.  She got pregnant after having sex one time in the entire month... without even trying.  They are married, but were actually trying to avoid.  I don't know how many times she complained to me about the discomfort when sleeping, waking up to pee in the middle of the night, heartburn... all those things that I would do ANYTHING to be experiencing right now.  It makes me so angry when people take those little things for granted... they are miracles. 

I can only pray for good news in the morning.  I will hold my pee until the wee hours of the morning.  There will be no misleading results of the test tomorrow...

Wish me luck!

2 DPO

As usual, I overthought the timing of sex.  Since we had sex the night before the trigger shot (Tuesday), we were supposed to skip the night of the trigger (Wed) and do it the night after (Thurs) and the following night (Fri).  If ovulation was going to occur about 36 hours after the trigger then I would've been ovulating about 9pm on Thursday night.  It seemed like bad timing to not have sex until right when ovation was happening.  I wanted to give the little spermies a headstart!  So I summoned my hubby home from work on Thursday afternoon... HA!  We then had sex on Friday night as well and I am crossing my fingers that that was sufficient!  I feel good about getting the one time in prior to ovulation... I just really want this to be our month.  The days after ovulation and timed intercourse are always full of anxiety... feeling like I should've timed it better, done more... ugh!  The only thing I can do now is wait... and pray.

I start my progesterone suppositories tomorrow... yay.

CD 14... much improved

I went in for my second mid-cycle ultrasound this morning.  Everything had improved perfectly!  My lining was 8.8 and the follicle in my left ovary had matured to 18mm!  However.... the ultrasound tech used a lubricant AGAIN!?!?!?!  I have had a million of these ultrasounds and I have never had to say anything before.  It is their job.  They work with women who are going through fertility treatments, so I would assume they know how to do their job.  The tech on Monday didn't use any, so I didn't even think about saying anything today.  I never dreamt someone would mess up twice... but she did.  The minute she inserted the wand, I could feel my anger building.  It was too late for her to change anything, so I didn't say anything to her directly.  I should have, but what was done was done.  I asked the NP when I met with her and all she said was that she didn't like it when they used it, but it will be fine.  Part of me believes her and part of me is so worried that it altered my cervical mucous and now all the spermies will drown and struggle to swim through it!  So annoyed.  I would like to believe my body will have absorbed it and the ph should have returned to normal by the time we have sex again tomorrow night.  I left a message today for a nurse to call me back because they didn't give me an official date to start my progesterone... I can easily figure that out on my own, but it gave me a reason to get them on the phone.  I am just livid.  I am going to the clinic and paying money for all of these ultrasounds and appointments to do EVERYTHING I can to increase our chances of conceiving.  I am not going to pay for services if there is a chance that using a lubricant 2 days prior to ovulation will impact my ability to conceive... even slightly.  I just need someone to talk me off of this ledge.  UGH.  Back to the plan...

Since my lining looked great and I had a mature follicle, they gave me my HCG injection at 9:00am this morning.  Ovulation should occur approximately 24-48 hours after... for me it has always been about 36 hours.  I could expect to ovulate tomorrow about 9pm.  Since we had sex last night to replenish the supply, we are supposed to also have sex tomorrow night and the next night.  We will be heading up to the lake on Friday afternoon for Memorial Day weekend, so I guess we will be doing some very quiet baby making!  HAHA!!  This is the same schedule we were on with the twins, so hopefully that is a good sign.  I am heading to the store tomorrow to pick up the beer and Monster energy drinks for the hubby to drink!  Pulling out all the stops this month!!

Three years ago... one year ago... so many emotions!

This weekend was an emotional one.  I love that Facebook now alerts me to posts that I have previously posted on that day in the past.  This weekend I received memories about a weekend getaway that my hubby and the kids took up to my parents lake cabin.  It was just the four of us and it was so much fun!  Typically my parents were up there, but this time it was just us.  It was so relaxing.   We made good food, drank some wine and got pregnant... ha!!!  I wouldn't find our for a month later, but that was the weekend we got pregnant.  NO meds, NO counting days, NO monitoring... we got pregnant the good old fashioned way!  This was our miracle baby.  Finally, everything was working out like we wanted it to.  That doesn't happen for us.  Well... we should've known better.  Sadly, I would lose that baby in June, but it proved to me that another baby is possible.  We can do this.  It also really ignited that need for another baby.  We tried many months after that the same way.  We weren't necessarily really ready to have another, but we knew we needed to at least try each month because it could take awhile.  A year later and no luck. 

Rewind to 3 years ago... May 2012.  It was a medicated cycle from HELL, that was saved with a bunch of meds, a zillion mature follicles (a slight exaggeration) and a bunch of timed intercourse... and our miracle twins were conceived.  Well... this cycle seems to be right on track with the exact same cycle 3 years ago.  I can only hope that is a good sign!

I went in yesterday (Monday) for my midcycle monitoring cycle on CD12.  I had a thin lining, 5.5mm, and one dominant follicle in the left ovary that measured 13mm.  So frustrating.  Last month at this time I had a thick, perfect lining and a mature follicle that was ready to trigger?!  The month before I had two mature follicles!  What happens to my body in May???  If my body varies this much from cycle to cycle, no wonder we struggle to time intercourse correctly without monitoring!  She gave me two options - trigger in a couple days when we would expect it to be mature, or do a repeat ultrasound on CD14 to see how it has progressed so we can best time the trigger shot.  I am such a control freak, so I picked option 2.  I have an appointment tomorrow morning for another ultrasound.  I want to know exactly what is going on.  If it isn't mature yet or happens to shrink like what happened the month with the twins, she did say that we could do a day or two of injections to mature the follicle prior to the HCG shot.  I feel comfortable doing that knowing that there is only one follicle.  I guess we'll see where we are at tomorrow morning.  I pray that we can get pregnant a third time in May... and that this one sticks!  Praying. 

On another note... I went swimsuit shopping today.  Eek.  I have always hated this task, but it is a million times worse after having twins and not having the time to really take care of yourself.  Ugh!  I found a couple.  I wanted something that covers a lot because I will mostly be chasing around a couple toddlers! 

Hopefully tomorrow's post will be a little more positive!  No shrinking!

Happy Mother's Day.....

So much joy today and for some reason I also feel some immense sadness.  Joy for the two absolutely perfect babies that call me mom and sadness for the 3 little souls that I never got to meet.  I have had a blast with the twins today.  I love their snuggles, kisses and hugs and the sound of their little voices saying "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy"... all treasures that I could've only dreamt of 3 years ago.  It is priceless.  It makes me feel so blessed.  They are my world and I am so happy that they made me a mom... THEIR mom. 

I am spending this Mother's Day in disappointment of another failed cycle.  I went to test on CD13 (Wednesday) and AF was there... I took the hint.  Thanks.  So... here I am on CD4.  I have another mid-cycle ultrasound on CD12 and we will go from there.

This will happen for us again.  I know it will.  Today I will love on my littles and bask in their kisses.  I will dream of the little one that is waiting to be ours and I will never forget the littles that were taken too soon.  I will fill up my heart with their laughter and hold it their forever. 


 

2dpo... and it starts to get confusing!!

CD 16... 2dpo

I got the trigger shot at 7pm on Wednesday night and BDed Wednesay, Thursday and Friday evening.  In the past, I have ovulated almost exactly 36 hours after the trigger shot, which would mean that ovulation occurred on Friday morning, CD14.  With trigger shots in the past, I have had ovulation pains 36 hours after the shot so that I knew timing was right.  I am a little concerned because I didn't have any ovulation pains on Friday.  I did have some cervical tenderness when we BDed that evening, but I didn't have the typical ovulation pains.  On Saturday morning/afternoon (1dpo... I think), I started having some mild cramping.  Now I am freaked that the trigger shot didn't work and I ovulated late... meaning all of our timing was off... ugh.  I am still having lots of cramping off and on today, feel bloated, my boobs are sore and I am an emotional/moody mess.  Nothing like having a bunch of pregnancy hormones running through your veins and not actually being pregnant!  I went back and looked at my posts the month I got pregnant with the twins and I wrote about some of these safe feelings.  So... hopefully this is all normal after the trigger shot and everything happened exactly as it was supposed to.  If we don't get pregnant this month, I am going to talk to the RE about making absolutely positive that I am responding correctly to the Ovidrel.  I am just a little concerned that I didn't ovulate like I should have.  Why can't anything ever work perfectly... oh yeah,... that is why I am here in the first place!  Things don't go easily or smoothly for me! 

I started the progesterone suppositories this morning... ugh.  I like the compound so much better than the Endometrum.  It is a little more discharge, but at least it isn't all day long.

I can officially test on May 8th (CD28, 14dpo).  I will probably test 10dpo to make sure the HCG is out of my system and then 12dpo (May 6).  Only 10 days left... HA!  I am going to try to let this 2ww go by without getting too caught up in it.  Hoping it goes really fast... and ends well. 

CD13.... Rest up little spermies!

My hubby gave me my Ovidrel (trigger shot) injection last night at 7pm.  I am not afraid of needles at all, but I forgot how nervous it makes me to let him inject a super tiny needle into my tummy fat... Which I have extra of since I had the twins!  I am freaking out and convinced that the trigger shot isn't going to work.  I guess I could always take a pregnancy test tomorrow and make sure it was active medication.  In the last I have ovulated almost exactly 36hours after the injection, so hopefully I will have some ovulation pain in the morning.  We were instructed to BD last night, tonight and tomorrow night.  We have obeyed so far... Ha!  Every time at this point in the month I think it is so weird that there are little spermies just waiting to fertilize an egg... for up to 7 days!  I always go back to the visual of them just furiously trying to fertilize an egg but they can't... Ugh.  Hopefully they are resting up and getting ready.  This is the month... Get with the program!

CD12... Mid-cycle ultrasound

OK... I haven't posted an update since 10dpo.  No big news... obviously.  It was a stressful month and my cycle was exactly 28 days long.  The progesterone seems to have done its job and I didn't have any spotting prior to AF starting.  It was a more normal flow and length this month, so hopefully that is a good sign.  I am ready for this month.  I haven't been taking my OvaCue readings this month.  They get a little messed up with the trigger shot, so I am taking this month off from monitoring.   

I got to skip a baseline ultrasound since I'm not doing any medication and I just had my midcycle ultrasound today.  I am currently on CD12... yes, CD12.  Time has gone ridiculously fast since I last posted.  Why is that?!  How does 12 days go by so fast prior to ovulation and drags on and on once ovulation occurs.  I am determined this month to WAIT until at least 12dpo to test... HA!!  

My ultrasound this morning went great!  When the tech started my ultrasound I could tell that she used a lubricant on the transducer.  The minute she looked at my uterus she asked where I am at in my cycle... WHAT?!  You don't know exactly where I am at?!   How do you know what you are supposed to be looking for?!  I knew the minute I felt the lubricant that she didn't know.  They never use lubricant mid-cycle.  Ugh.  She didn't say anything to me, but I made sure to ask the NP about it.  Anyways.... the good deets....

My lining looks absolutely perfect.  It measured 9.1mm thick and was trilaminar!  Anything over 7mm is great.  I have one follicle on the right side that measured 20mm and NO follicles on the left.  Phew.  It makes it so much easier to go forward with only one mature follicle.  It is crazy how different my two cycles have been.  Last month at this point my two follicles were only 14mm and 16mm.  My follicle is much further along this month, which might be because my body is only busy maturing one follicle.  I am pumped.  The NP was really excited to see how great everything looked, especially for not being on any meds.  This does make me worried that my hubby's morphology issues are playing more of a role in our infertility than he wants to believe.  It doesn't change anything because we won't do more than we are right now.  I am going to make sure he continues to take his FertilityBlend and make sure we continue to do whatever we can!  It is just going to take time.  We have gotten pregnant three times, so I know it can happen... we just need to be patient.  I am creating as perfect of an environment as I can.  Now I just need to get a little bean to stick. 

I picked up my ovidrel from the pharmacy and have instructions to do the shot this evening.  We are supposed to BD this evening and the next two nights.  So... here we go! 

10dpo.... Dying to test!

It has been a pretty hectic week, so time has gone pretty fast.  J didn't continue to throw up, but by Friday he was extremely lethargic.  I took him in to Urgent Care that evening and they sent me home to try and push fluids.  By Saturday morning, I had had enough so we took him into the ER.  He was admitted to the hospital because his blood work levels were all in the critical range.  It was the scariest thing I have ever had to do.  We got released on Sunday afternoon and he is pretty much back to normal.  Not sure what cause him to get so dehydrated, but now I know to push more for whatever my gut tells me.  The doctor never should've sent us home on Friday night... we should've been sent right to the ER or at least she should've done some blood work.

I am currently 10 dpo.  I have some symptoms, but who knows if they are from the progesterone, PMS or actual pregnancy symptoms.  I am exhausted, have a lot of gas and constipation, my tummy feels like it has butterflies in it and is upset at times... and I am incredibly irritable... let's just say hormonal ;)  I hate to read too much into it.  I tested positive with the twins at 11dpo, so I could test tomorrow.  However, I was pregnant with 3 babies!  That is a lot of HCG, so of course I would test positive early.  Let's be honest, I picked up some tests today and will probably test every morning until I get my period!  HA!  It is currently CD26 today and I am interested to see how long this cycle will be if I'm not pregnant since I ovulated so late.   My typical cycles have been 28 days long (with a random 30 day in there), which would put me at getting my period on Friday at only 12 dpo.  A typical LP is 14 days, which would put this cycle at 30 days and my period would come on Sunday.  Very anxious for these days to pass!  I typically spot 2-3 days prior to my period so with a period that starts on Sunday, I should start to spot on Friday... not sure how my body will respond since I am on progesterone supplementation! 

Speaking of progesterone supplementation.... The RE prescribed Endometrin for my progesterone supplementation this cycle.  It is more of a pill form with an applicator.  She said that people preferred it because it doesn't have the same amount of discharge.  Ummm.... I hate it!  I feel like it is more a matter of which kind of discharge/leakage you prefer.  The Endometrin doesn't have the initial leakage upon insertion, but about 8 hours later it is a watery, creamy, chalky discharge.  Disgusting.  With the compound progesterone that has to be in the fridge, the leakage is immediate.  You insert it, lay/sit down for 15-30 minutes and there is some discharge for an hour.  Then it is done.  I would prefer that... I can't handle constant discharge all day and constantly feeling like I want to take a shower or change my underwear!  With the Endometrin, I felt like I needed to wear a pad all day long, as opposed to an hour a day!  I did like that there is an applicator with the Endometrin as opposed to inserting it manually.  The compound progesterone tends to be a little more irritating, but at this point it is about comfort!  I messaged my RE and they prescribed the compound suppositories for the rest of this month.  Sometimes change is hard...

Can't wait to take a test!!!

4dpo....

Today someone asked me if I was happy with my decision to stay home with my kids... I can't even begin to explain to someone how I feel about this decision.  Now that I am home with them every day, I realize just how much of their little lives I have already missed!  I wanted to have babies all my life and for 2 years I only spent a couple hours every day with them and spent the time I was with them thinking about all the stuff that needed to be done at work.  I have some very real feelings of regret and anxiety when I think about all of the moments and memories that have passed us by.  I am so excited... ok, hopeful... that it will be different with the next one.  My mom came over while the twins napped today so I could go get our taxes done.  I came home and B, my daughter, was awake.  We chatted a little and then we heard J, my son, coughing/gagging in his crib.  I went in to get him and he threw up on my shoulder and then all over his crib.  My mom graciously took B with her to run errands and grab some dinner so I could clean up, give J a bath and then snuggle a little bit.  I was so relieved that I could really devote some personal time to him.  It is sooooo rare that either of them get any one-on-one time.  We took a bath and snuggled while watching a movie.  It was heaven.  It is in those moments that I feel a huge range of emotions.  Having one little one is so much simpler, but I also feel bad that they don't have anyone to play with!  I absolutely cherish those moments when I can devote 100% of my attention and affection to each one individually.  I feel bad that they always have to share me. 

I stopped taking my OvaCue readings.  Since I am taking the progesterone suppositories, I know that the hormones in my luteal phase are just fine.  Also, these suppositories seem to create the most discharge about 8 hours after inserting them, so I don't feel like they would be accurate anyway.  There is sufficient progesterone at the uterus, so I'm not concerned about that.  Now it is just the wait... and wait... and wait!  I am going to try not to test as long as possible, but who knows... maybe another week... ha!

3dpo.... looking good ;)

We had a fun day today.  It is so nice that it is getting warmer outside so we don't have to rush in and out of every building or store.  We can take our time and run errands.  We went to the lab to get blood work drawn, visited some old co-workers and had lunch with a friend.  It was the best!

I had my 3dpo blood work drawn today to make sure it is the right time to start the progesterone suppositories.  My progesterone levels came back at 15.7.  Yay!!  They are happy with anything over 15... phew!!  Hopefully this is just the beginning of the good news for this cycle.  

I started the Endometrin progesterone suppositories this evening.  They are so much different than the ones I have used in the past.  The ones I have previously used were a compound.  I had to keep them cold in the fridge, I had to insert them with my finger and they just oozed out as they melted... GROSS.  These are more of a pill consistency.  They are about the size of a quarter, solid and they come with an applicator.  So much simpler!!

Thinking good thoughts...

CD17... 1dpo

I received a message from my doctor this morning and they put orders in for me to go in on Wednesday (4/1) to have my progesterone levels checked and then will start the suppositories that evening.  It is the day after ovulation, so the plan is to BD tonight and tomorrow night... and then pray!

My OvaCue readings remained elevated this evening, indicating the progesterone dominance that occurs after ovulation occurs. 

And the 2ww begins... ugh.  These two weeks are always filled with doubt, uncertainty and anxiety.  I know that we did all we could do this month.  I am just really crossing my fingers that it was enough!

CD16.... some clarity!

Alright...  After my last post, the ovulation pains I was having got worse.  I took another OPK at 7pm and it was negative indicating that my surge was done.  I took my OvaCue reading and it increased drastically - populating a purple box and indicating that ovulation occurred today.  Um duh... I felt like my ovary was going to explode.  Intercourse at the exact time of ovulation is incredibly painful for me... check that off of things to do today.  I must have a very short surge, which would be why I typically always miss it when I only do 1 test/day.  Let's face it... taking that many tests a day gets expensive... especially when you never get a positive.   

After looking at my OvaCue chart and knowing that there were two follicles, I do question if I actually ovulated twice?!  On Friday, I had ovulation pains on my right side and the monitor indicated ovulation... then I have the same thing today on the left side.  Makes me wonder!!

I am going to send a message to the doctor this evening.  I believe I need to have blood drawn and start progesterone on Wednesday.  Not looking forward to that! 

On another note... I just spend 48 hours without my kiddos and it was so needed!!   It has been way too long since my hubby and I have been able to spend some uninterrupted time together.  We got to sleep in, eat meals together, watch movies and really just relax!  It is crazy how much you get into the daily grind and just forget about nurturing your relationship!  Two 2-year olds is busy!!  It was so much fun to see their faces when they answered the door and saw us.  They are too sweet and I just wanted to squeeze them!  My heart is so full!!  It is funny how crazy they get after just a couple days with grandparents... totally spoiled!  Looking forward to spending all day tomorrow with them!!  LOVE!!!

CD16.... totally confused.

Confused.... so confused.

I took an OPK this morning at 10am and it was definitely a positive.  That would indicate that ovulation should happen in the next 36hrs-ish... likely tomorrow sometime?!  That would make it CD17.  Hmmm.  That would be an extremely late ovulation for a 28 day cycle.  Which I guess should be possible since I struggle with progesterone in my luteal phase. 

I am interested to see what my vaginal readings do this evening.  If they rise again tonight then a purple box will populate.  We'll see.  It is possible that I could still ovulate this evening or tomorrow... which would coincide with my OPK and my OvaCue. 

When we BDed last night, my cervix/ovaries were very tender, and as I sit here writing this I am having some definite ovulation twinges....  I HAVE NO IDEA!!!  For having such a regular cycle... this is frustrating!!  No matter what, I am going to send my nurse/PA all of this information after I take my reading this evening and ask for a blood draw tomorrow.  I need to start the progesterone three days after ovulation, so if  I ovulated on Friday then I need to start the progesterone on Monday.  If my blood work doesn't indicate ovulation, then we can go from there.  I just REALLY want to get the timing of the progesterone right.  I feel like we have had perfect timing, but ovulation needs to happen soon... I love my hubby, but I am exhausted ;)  HA!

 

CD15... OvaCue update

I did another OPK at 7pm tonight and got another ALMOST positive.  I took my vaginal OvaCue reading and my reading dropped again, indicating that I did not ovulate with the pink box.  If ovulation had been successful, we would've expected to see my readings remain elevated after the pink box.  I would expect to get a purple box in the next couple days to confirm ovulation!    

Since I haven't gotten a strong positive OPK, I am not sure when ovulation will occur.  It typically occurs 12-48 hours after a positive, with the average being 36 hours. It will be interesting to see what the OPK shows in the morning and what my vaginal readings are tomorrow evening.

In the meantime... we will continue to enjoy our anniversary ;) 

CD15.... positive?!

I took another OPK at 3pm... Definitely so close to my surge.  I will take another test and my OvaCue reading at 7pm to see where we are at!  Here is a picture comparing the two... In person it is ever so slightly lighter.

CD15... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

This post is going to be quick because my hubby and I are out of town celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary.  It is the first time that we have been away from the together for way over a year!!  We kept it really low key and are spending the weekend at my parent's lake cabin while the kids spend time with their Nana and Papa.  It is a much needed vacation and the timing couldn't be more perfect!! 

I have been doing OPKs 2x/day 10am and 7pm in hopes that I won't miss my surge.  I haven't ever gotten a positive OPK, so I am going off the recommendation of my nurse.  I have always read that 2pm is the ideal time to test in order to catch the surge, but that hasn't worked in the past.  I have been getting a very faint line with my tests at 10am for the past couple days, but there is no line present on any of my evening tests.  I was pretty sure I had missed my surge.  Then this afternoon... a definitely darker line than before.  Hmmm......  so confused!  So I did my OvaCue readings and got even more confused!!

I saw my reading drop on CD13, which indicated that ovulation should be approaching (a decrease in estrogen production).  Last night I also had an increase in my vaginal reading, which populated the pink box and indicated that ovulation had occurred (the change to progesterone dominance).  Since I haven't gotten a positive OPK and my cervical mucous was definitely still fertile (egg white, clear, stretchy)... indicating that it is possible that ovulatin hasn't occurred!  Ugh!!

After my darker OPK line this morning, I will take another one this afternoon and this evening just to be sure.  I am really interested to take my OvaCue reading this evening because I am anticipating it to drop again... which would then generate a purple box.  I am not worried about the timing of intercourse because we couldn't time it any better - I am glad that the timing of this is over some days that we are our of town and away from the kids.  I am more wanting to make sure I pinpoint ovulation so I can start the progesterone on the right day.

Here is a pic of the OPK today at 10am:

Wonder what the day will bring!

CD13... Change of plans

Update from yesterday that I apparently didn't publish...  
I went in for my CD12 ultrasound this morning and left with a different plan for the month.  First of all, I forgot how much fun transvaginal ultrasounds are... especially mid-cycle when you can only use a little water for lubrication.  The ultrasound tech wasn't overly talkative, which just makes things more awkward.  They got a couple new techs since I was at the office last.  The usual lady has some random conversations, but also tells me what she is looking at and seeing.  This one was just done in awkward silence.  She check my uterine lining and it was 7.84mm thick, which is great.  They want it to be >7mm to support implantation.  Ovulation seems to be a couple days away, so it should continue to thicken.  When she moved onto my right ovary, I was excited to see a large follicle - 14mm.  She moved over to my left ovary and I was floored to see another large follicle - 16mm?!  The minute I saw that there were two dominant follicles, I knew I needed to think this through!  This is what I was trying to avoid by not taking clomid or femara.  Hmmm... I talked with the NP and discussed the options.  We could do the trigger shot tomorrow and hope that the smaller follicle wouldn't release a mature egg (or wouldn't fertilize).  If I only had one follicle, they would wait to trigger for a couple days.  My fear with doing the trigger shot is that it helps with the final maturation, so it would help push both follicles to release... eek!!  So the plan (as of right now) is to wait for ovulation to be suspected/confirmed and then supplement with progesterone. 

I wasn't so sure about the plan so I sent a message to the NP asking her to run my scans by the doc... we shall see how she responds!!

Update TODAY... CD13!
I received her response and she basically said that my chances of releasing two eggs is similar with or without the trigger shot.  She recommended doing the trigger shot today in order to further help with timing both intercourse and when starting the progesterone.  I thought about it all last night and this morning and decided that I want to take the path of least regret.  I know I am going to ovulate, and if we naturally get twins then that is what is meant to be... if we do the trigger and had twins then I would always feel guilty.  I feel really good about this cycle and I am totally comfortable pinpointing ovulation.  Maybe it is because I know what is going on inside my body.  I know there are follicles waiting for ovulation and that my lining is ready.  I also feel at ease knowing that I will have enough progesterone to support implantation!  I am ready to kick this cycle's butt!!

I have been doing OPKs 2x/day since Monday.  I got a very faint line today... so the surge is coming!  It couldn't be more perfect timing as we head out of town for the first time in a LONG time without the twins.  WHAT?!?!  I don't know if we will even know what to do with ourselves.  It is a much needed getaway and I am incredibly excited! 

So... I am going to continue to take OPKs and my OvaCue readings.  I am supposed to call the RE when I get my LH surge.  They will have me come in to check my progesterone levels 4-5 days after my surge to confirm ovulation and then begin the suppositories. 

I think this is a good plan...

CD11...

I have my mid-cycle ultrasound tomorrow to see how my follicles are growing.  Hoping for one dominant follicle that is ready for the trigger shot!  I have been doing OPKs and my OvaCue readings and neither show signs of ovulation before tomorrow... Phew!! 

Updates coming tomorrow!

So thankful... So emotional...

Today was a day filled with announcements, ultrasounds (not mine) and pangs of jealousy and sadness.  A fellow twin mom announced her "surprise" pregnancy turned out to be another set of twins, a friend sent her picture of her unexpected and unplanned 11 wk ultrasound and another friend is in labor.  All of the above I am sincerely happy for... Sincerely!  I do wish I could experience that unexpected surprise or that first ultrasound that isn't filled with extreme worry that something is wrong.  I am not jealous of the babies they are having... I have been blessed with two beautiful children!  I am, however, jealous of how easy and carefree the process is for them!  I want the experience of having sex with someone you love and then finding out you are pregnant when you all of a sudden realize it has been awhile since you have had your last period.  Then scheduling your first ultrasound and there is a beautiful fetus with a strong heartbeat!  I just want something to be easy.  Just once.  I thought I had that, but it ended in heartache.  I know this is all my story and when all is said and done, I will tell my story with pride for how strong it has made me.... but right now, all I feel is weak.  I went into the twins' room and held their hands and just looked at them.... They remind me every day why I put myself through this.  It is so worth the wait and I will continue to be strong...  This is our story.

CD6...

The mail order pharmacy called today and the Endometrin (progesterone suppositories - that are apparently so much better than the ones I had last time) are not a specialty drug that needs to be called in and the trigger shot is not a drug that is covered by my plan and will need to be paid for out of pocket... ugh.  I can't complain since all of my office visits and ultrasounds are covered.  $150/ month is a very minimal cost considering what it could be costing me!  It can still come out of my HSA, so at least it isn't an additional expense that we need to budget for.  I talked to the nurse today and the Novarel trigger is the cheapest, but apparently there is a national shortage so they reserve that for the couples doing IVF because that is  drug they have to have.  I am super relieved that I can easily get all of the prescriptions I need instead of having to a mail order them.

I have been taking my OvaCue reading this month and it will be interesting to see how they correlate to my midcycle monitoring.  From past experience and what I know about the OvaCue, the trigger shot and suppositories will impact the results.  I am using it alongside OPKs (starting Monday) to make sure we do not miss ovulation prior to my mid-cycle monitoring. 

CD4.... RE appointment update

The appointment I have been dreading for a month because I didn't want to go in and have to do everything over and start from scratch, is over and it couldn't have gone better!  Many things have changed in our RE's office since we were their trying to get pregnant with the twins.  There is now a second RE in the practice.  The RE we saw, Dr. H, was ok.  There were things I liked and things I didn't.  I felt like he was incredibly knowledgeable, but he was difficult to talk to and I didn't like his bedside manner.  This time around, I made our appointment with the new female doctor, Dr. V.  I LOVE her!!  I felt like she really listened to me and was on the exact same page as me!!  Needless to say, I am in a good place... frustrated that we are here, but in a good place.  I will start from the beginning....

I got AF on Friday evening.  Since it was after 5, CD1 is technically Saturday.  I went in on Monday, CD3 for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork.  Everything came back in the normal range for my bloodwork (I posted my actual results on my history page) and I have 20 follicles in each ovary!  Whew!  There are still a lot of follies in there :) 

We went over all of the results and she said that everything appears to be normal at this point in my cycle according to my blood work and ultrasound.  We talked about the spotting I have before and after my period and it could be indicative of low progesterone during my luteal phase, but it is hard to know.  I explained my concern that I have been pregnant three times and the only time I have had a successful pregnancy was when I was on progesterone suppositories after ovulation.  She definitely felt like the progesterone was a must.  Without me even having to tell her, she expressed her concerns with using clomid or femara to stimulate the ovaries due to my previous high risk pregnancy and wanting to prevent another set of twins.  She asked me what my thoughts were... seriously?!  I LOVE that she asked me that!  I have a say in my course of treatment... that felt great.  I told her that I would really like to do a couple monitored NATURAL cycles with the trigger shot (because I know that we need perfect timing) and progesterone.  She said, "I love that, I think that is perfect".  That was amazing to hear.  That is our plan!  YAY!!   If we don't get pregnant after 2-3 of these cycles, we will look at adding a very small dose of clomid.  I know this way might take longer, but this is what feels right for me.  I am so extremely excited.  I have to look back at my previous posts from the month I got pregnant with the twins to get the timing of sex with the trigger shot down.  My amazing nurse, Jess, knew that I always needed specific times so now begins the research to make this cycle perfect!  What is even more fun.... ovulation should be on our anniversary ;)  How perfect. 

She wants me to start taking OPKs on Monday (CD10) to make sure we don't miss ovulation.  Should be interesting since I haven't ever been able to get them to work!  Grrr.  I will be doing them 2x/day since I only have to do them M, T and W because I have our CD12 ultrasound on Wednesday and will be able to see where we are at in the cycle.  I will also be using my OvaCue to see how that correlates to the ultrasounds and ovulation, etc. 

For now... I continue to take my prenatal vitamins, drink water, eat healthy and wait a week.  

CD4.... RE appointment.

Sitting in the RE's office waiting to get my results from yesterday's ultrasound and bloodwork and to hopefully figure out a conservative course of treatment to get this baby making business on the right track!!

Update to come as soon as I know more....

CD27... or... CD1... Hmmmm.

I was supposed to have my CD2 ultrasound and bloodwork this morning, but AF was pretty much non-existent other than some incredibly light spotting.   I called the RE's office and rescheduled for Monday and just hoped that the timing will work out ok.  I anticipated getting AF tomorrow on CD28... but instead she came this evening in all of her painful glory.  This might sound incredibly stupid, but I have been researching how to actually count your days... So is this still CD27 or does it become CD1.  I have read so many conflicting things.  If AF starts before noon, then it is CD1... after noon it is the last CD of the month.  Hmmm.... I've never really thought about it before!  I have always just counted whatever day AF starts as CD1.  Oh well!  Either way, I'm getting exactly what I want... to get answers right away.  I will have the ultrasound on Monday and our initial appointment on Tuesday!! 

I talked with the hubby a little more in depth about treatments and he is freaked!  He doesn't have the needs that I do to continue to grow our family, but definitely understands my desires.  Don't get me wrong, we agree that we are not done with our family, but he doesn't feel the same urgency as I do.  He never has... oh, to be a man!  Then he thinks about the fact that it will likely be over a year before we ever bring a newborn into this family... and he agrees that it is time we start seeking help again.  So super frustrating.  Why are we here again?!  Why can't this be easier?!

Answers are coming.....

CD1?? Maybe... maybe not!

Okay, so a lot has happened this month... or not.  Let me back up.... 

I forgot my OvaCue on my trip so was blindly navigating this month.  Last month was a 30 day cycle, so I was planning on about the same this month.  CD14 came and I had definite ovuatlation pains.  I was planning this, so timing should've been perfect.  Then CD16 arrived and definite ovulation pains then as well.  Still BDing just in case, so timing should've been good then as well.  Fast forward to CD23 and I had my OB call in an order for a progesterone blood draw to see if my levels indicated ovulation.  CD21 would've been ideal, but I didn't think about it soon enough and it fell on a Saturday, so had to wait.  I figured something is better than nothing.  I have my initial appointment with our RE next Wednesday and I wanted to have some information.  The results came back for CD24 and it was 6.8.  On the lower end of normal, but was likely dropping since it is 3 days later than ideal.  However....

A progesterone blood draw and a HPT (I had one lying around) is the best way to bring on AF.  Last night (CD25) I noticed some super light spotting and this morning was enough that I needed to use a tampon (sorry... TMI).  I was hoping my appointment with my RE landed on CD1-3 so we could take advantage of this cycle.  Since AF came early (I thought), I called the RE's office today and let them know the situation and my concern.   I hate wasting months!  The RE called in all of the initial bloodwork as well as a baseline ultrasound.  I am so excited that we can utilize this month.  However, as soon as she called that in AF STOPPED?!?!  Of course it did. 

I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow morning at 8:50.  However, if AF hasn't actually started by that time tomorrow then I guess I will call in the morning and reschedule it for Monday.  Seriously, this is annoying. 

I was extremely annoyed that they made me fill out the piles of paperwork, the semen analysis, the genetic counseling and the initial appointment.  I have done my planning and we are going to refuse the semen analysis and the genetic counseling.  I don't see a need.  I understand that the semen analysis would impact treatment if we were still trying for baby #1 or #2, as opposed to #3.  We know that there might be issues with the morphology, but we are doing the same things we did before to improve that.  Otherwise, we know that it comes down to timing.  We wont' do anything more than monitored cycles, the trigger shot and progesterone.  I am incredibly hesitant to take Clomid or Femara this time around because I want to be as conservative as possible and keep the risk of twins as low as possible.  I have been trying to research and see if monitoring and a trigger shot are ever done without ovulation inducing medications.  Hmm... I guess we shall see!!!

The one time I will say this... Praying AF comes tonight so I can keep the appointment for tomorrow. 

 

2dpo...... the wait begins.

Trying after this many months sucks.  Waiting sucks.  There isn't much else to say today. 

Fate...

The beginning of this month has been interesting.  I went out of town the day AF showed up and forgot my OvaCue in my dresser drawer on accident.  By the time I got home, I was already on CD 6 so it was too late to start.  So... we are just flying by the seat of our pants this month! 

I started my month with an email from a friend I met online as we were struggling through our fertility frustrations a couple years ago.  We supported each other through many struggles even though we never got to meet.  It is crazy how you meet people online and you feel like you have known them for so long!  When I got pregnant with the twins, I became very disconnected from all technology because I was so sick and anything with a screen made my world spin for many, many months.  As we began trying again and I came back to my much needed outlet - I have no idea if anyone really reads this, but I NEED it - I received a comment from her and then an email.  I was elated!  I found out she has a little boy who just turned 1 from IVF and as fate would have it... she is currently living in the exact same city as me... what?!?!  That is fate.  I do not live in a popular city... or state for that matter!  I needed to meet her and I LOVED her!!  She is just as charming and sweet as I imagined.  We met for dinner and talked for hours!  I can't wait to get to know her and her sweet little family better.  We are back on this journey together again.  Her journey is more laid out for her and planned... and mine is completely up in the air.  D... you know who you are and I want to say "Thank you" for reaching out to me!  I am beyond blessed to have your friendship and to have been able to spend some time with you this month.  I needed you! 

I also found out that another online blogger friend is expecting twins!!!!  She has had an extremely difficult journey and her outlook on everything is absolutely phenomenal!  I am so excited for her to be a part of the very exclusive club of twin moms... she now has super powers!  You are going to be an amazing mom and I will be here every step of the way as you navigate the life with two newborns... two toddler... two teenagers... eek!!

I have no idea what this month will bring.  Last month my cycle was 30 days.  I ovulated on CD16.  I am frustrated that I forgot my monitor and am doing yet another month blindly.  It is currently CD14... we BDed this afternoon during nap time (HA!  life with twins, right!?), so hopefully we had perfect timing because I am having some significant ovulation pains/cramping this evening!  Crossing my fingers.  We will BD tomorrow afternoon again just for good measure!  I am finding the trying to be much more difficult now with the twins.... especially this week.  The twins have both been teething and sick so they have been up a lot at night and needy during the day.  That makes for one EXTREMELY tired mommy who falls asleep early... that isn't ideal during the most fertile time of the month.  We made it... I always feel like we should be doing more.  I am having my blood work taken at the end of the month to make sure I am actually ovulating and we have our fertility appointment mid-month.  I think I am still going to keep it.  If I am ovulating, I really just want to make sure everything is ok and if possible, I really want to do the trigger shot without any other medication so we can time it perfectly without increasing our risk for multiples.  Ugh.... just really crossing my fingers for this month.   Sadly, I am already at the place where I just have my doubt.  You see so many negative pregnancy tests that it seems impossible that one would actually become positive.  Ugh. 

I sometimes feel guilty that I have these feelings and frustrations about trying for our next little one.  Like I am not grateful... like I am taking what I already have for granted.  Is it wrong to so badly want another when I am already so blessed?  Am I greedy?  I am thankful... beyond thankful.  I have two beautiful two year olds who are thriving.  I am blessed to be able to spend each and every day with them! 

CD 2... Grrrrr.

Why doesn't it ever change?  That feeling you get on CD 28.  The day AF is supposed to show up, but she hasn't yet... the hope, even though you've already taken 5 HPTs and all are negative.  But maybe, just maybe, they were wrong.  They weren't.  My cycle was 2 days longer than normal this month... talk about false hope.  Of course, took a HPT and AF shows up.  I don't even need to wait for the result... just have to look at the toilet paper.  Ugh.  I am getting to a place that I didn't want to be. 

 The past couple weeks have been difficult.  I should have been welcoming another baby into this family.  I honestly can't imagine it, but it makes me sad.  Instead... I spent that week potty training my two little minions.  They were champs!  Getting them to go potty has been a breeze, but the poop... ugh!  They are crib poopers... always pooping when they are in their cribs so I can't catch them in the act.  I finally caught Jake needing to poop at dinner tonight so we locked ourselves in the bathroom and... SUCCESS!!!  Thank God for them.... they are the light of my world and they keep me from going back to the darkness of loss and grief.  They remind me of how thankful I am to have this time with them... and only them.  I know, in my heart, that we will have another baby... that is my mantra and I will keep telling myself that until I believe it!

Here is my OvaCue readings for the month...

http://www.ovagraph.com/cycles/9158/1008253/chart



My last entry was on CD 11 with my significant low.  We definitely BDed because of the dip in my vaginal readings which would indicate ovulation approaching.  Like I predicted, the pink box was populated due to the increase in readings on CD12 (indicating the switch to progesterone dominance that occurs after ovulation).  However, I saw my reading starting to drop again on CD14 and CD15.  Since they were dropping I continued to consider myself fertile and expected to see the purple box show up... and it did!  The dip on CD 15, followed by the increase in reading on CD16, indicates that ovulation occurred between the reading on CD15/16.  I actually ovulated later than I would've expected, which might explain the two extra days added to my cycle this month.  Once ovulation was confirmed, my readings remain elevated throughout the luteal phase and then start to decrease as AF approaches (indicating the decrease in progesterone).  It looks like a pretty typical cycle... so excited to start the next month!

I still have this feeling that something isn't right.  Am I ovulating?  Are my eggs getting mature enough?  Is my lining ok?  I have been having some severe lower back pain (different than anything I have ever experienced) with my cycles.  Increases around ovulation and right before my period begins.  It is debilitating and it makes me wonder if my endometriosis has gotten out of control or if I have cysts on my ovaries that are causing pain.  Too much to wonder.  E and I decided that it was time to make an appointment with our RE for this month to make sure that everything is in working order and see if we can figure out a way to get relief for my back... whether that is going back to PT or if I need another laparascopy to remove the endometrial tissue. I will be calling first thing tomorrow morning.  It is already CD 3 tomorrow, so if they are going to get me in for bloodwork, this cycle, we need to do it right away. Either way, we are back here.  Right back where I didn't want to be!  I don't want to walk back into that office.  But I will...

CD11... Ovulation approaching already??

Well... I wasn't lucky enough to escape influenza.  I started running a fever on Sunday morning and ended up in acute care.  I am traveling later in the week and wanted to get some Tamaflu as soon as possible so I could start feeling better fast!!   This is my last week at home while my kids are at daycae full time.  Today I spent looking for potty training books to give them along with their new potty chairs and training undies.  It is hard to believe they are already old enough to be ready for potty training?!  Where has the time gone?!?  Ugh!

I have had some interesting things happening with my OvaCue readings.  When we were trying for the twins, our RE always talked about timing.  For some people it doesn't seem to matter.  They can have sex one time at a supposedly low fertile time of the month and still get pregnant.  For us, it is always going to come down to the perfect timing.  That is EXACTLY why I decided to start using the OvaCue.  I am wondering if I am ovulating earlier then what it feels like.  I have what I think is ovulation pains on CD 13, 14 or 15 EVERY month so I guess I assume that is ovulation.  However, we aren't getting pregnant.  If I am ovulating earlier than I think... then we are missing our window and just BDing for FUN!!!  HA!  I am so interested to see how this month plays out!

My oral cue peak was recognized on CD10 and my fertile window was populated.  It is predicting ovulation (my dark blue day) for CD14, just as I would expect.  However, my vaginal readings have already started to drop, so ovulation could happen earlier than expected!  Prior to ovulation, my vaginal readings will drop, which indicates that estrogen levels are dropping as my body gets ready for ovulation.  Once ovulation occurs, you will see a sudden increase in vaginal reading indicating increase in progesterone that occurs after ovulation has occurred.  So.... lucky for my hubby... my vaginal readings are on the decrease so I am considering myself fertile!  

http://www.ovagraph.com/cycles/9158/1008253/chart 

CD 7... Influenza sucks!

I got a call from daycare yesterday that B (my baby girl) was running a fever and not acting like herself.  Since there were 2 other kiddos in her room that have been diagnosed with influenza, I took her into the doctor to make sure... INFLUENZA!!  GRRR.... So, my sweet little girl has been at home with me all day.  She is running a low grade fever, but seems like herself otherwise.  We spent the morning eating breakfast, taking a bath, modeling some new clothes, going to the grocery store and eating lunch.  She is napping now and I am catching up on some work.  I know it is all relative, but it is so relaxing to just have ONE kid at home!!!  There is just not the chaos that goes along with having both of them here.  However, it is clear how much they miss each other.  I get messages from the girls at daycare that J (my baby boy) is asking about her constantly and seems to be waiting for her to come in the door.  She asked to sleep with his blankie for nap time... I love the bond they share!  I wouldn't trade that bond for the "simplicity" of having just one of them!!  Such a blessing!

My oral reading today was on the decline, and I am hoping that tomorrow's reading will confirm my oral cue peak trend.  The monitor did turn today a light blue color.  My vaginal readings are still elevated indicating that estrogen is still high. 

 

http://www.ovagraph.com/cycles/9158/1008253/chart

 

 

We will see what tomorrow brings!!

CD 6.... started vaginal readings...

My oral readings are continuing to rise... hoping to see a drop over the next couple days to indicate that a dominant follicle has been selected.  Took my first vaginal reading this afternoon and it is extremely high, which is normal.  High vaginal readings = high progesterone/low estrogen.... since it is prior to ovulation it would be indicative of low estrogen levels. 

I reworked the pages in the blog and will start posting my graphs under my blog posts to make it easier for you!! 

http://www.ovagraph.com/cycles/9158/1008253/chart

 

 

 

Back to budgeting!

CD 5....

Of course the first month using my OvaCue can't go by the books.  Early Sunday morning I woke up and threw up at 3:30am.  I went into the basement to hopefully avoid getting everyone sick.  Needless to say, I missed my oral reading on CD3.  I don't think it will impact my readings this month because CD3 would be really early to see my cue peak trend... for me.  I am currently waiting for to see my CUE PEAK trend in my oral readings.  The "cue peak" trend is a high oral reading followed by two lower oral readings.  This coincides with the selection of the dominant follicle.  Once this trend is detected, the monitor would populate out my fertile window.  We know that once that dominant follicle is selected, ovulation occurs within 5-7 days.  I am still experiencing some spotting, so I have not started my vaginal readings yet. 

Aside from starting the OvaCue this month... not a lot going on!  I am enjoying my "staycation" of not working and still having full-time daycare for the twins. My list of things to do around the house started building up in the months leading up to me quitting my full-time job (hence the reason I quit!).  I am whittling away at my list and getting some much needed "me time"!  As much as I LOVE all of this time to myself, I am ready to start having the twins home  with me full time!  I still have some big projects to get done - finalizing our house plans, balancing the checkbook, putting together our budget, getting our 2014 tax info together, organizing our pictures and putting together the twins' 1 and 2 year photo books ;)  I only have a week and a half left.... I need to get moving!!!! 

My oral cue peak trend should appear in the next couple days and I also hope to start my vaginal readings in the next couple days... interested to see how this cycle goes.  I found out that my new insurance covers fertility treatments prior to any inseminations and transfers.  That is a huge relief!  We didn't have to do any inseminations with the twins because it wouldn't have been a benefit in our situation, so all of the medications, office visits and ultrasounds would be covered this go round.  I am crossing my fingers that we are able to do this the easy way this time around!! 

CD1... Officially one year.

January marks one year of "not  trying", so I guess we are back to actually trying now.  I am really trying not to get back to the place where my every emotion hinges on how the month goes and what cycle day I am on.  That is one of the hardest things to do.  Especially right now....

We are approaching what would've been my due date for the angel we said good-bye to in June.  I would be nearing the end of that pregnancy as my due date was February 10.  I have so many mixed emotions right now and am trying to sort it out... that is exactly what this blog is for, correct?? 

I recently resigned from my job and am not a stay at home mommy for my 2 year old twins!!  As a gift to me, my hubby gave me a month at home while the kids stayed in daycare.  I have been getting so much done around the house in preparation for being home full time, but also just catching up on some much needed me time!  I am absolutely looking forward to getting to spend every day with them.  Time has been going way too fast and I really feel like I need more time with them. 

Back to the TTC..... I was almost positive that this month was it!  I put off using my fertility monitor yet another month because I was convinced it was just going to happen again.  I was wrong.  I just replaced the batteries in my OvaCue and we are going to be back at it starting tomorrow!  I have concerns that something isn't right with my hormones, or my lining, or my entire cycle in general.  I don't know how long my husband is going to be able to keep me out of the RE's office.  My insurance covers any infertility treatment up to any sort of insemination or embryo transfer, so I am not as hesitant to make an appointment to get things re-checked out.  I will give it a couple more months of lower stress living and monitoring my cycle with the OvaCue to see if that helps at all.  Maybe charting will give me a little more insight... hopefully it is just coming down to timing! 

I will be posting my daily readings and interpreting along the way!   Feels weird to be back in this place again.  Completely different from when we were trying for the twins.... I have the most amazing children, but our family just doesn't feel complete. 

Oh... and I just ordered some HPTs in bulk.  It is crazy expensive and I am a testing junkie!